“Your sister’s coming over tonight and we’re making an online dating profile for me.”
I pulled my phone away from my ear and checked to see that I was actually talking to my mother. Linda Garrett is one of the strongest and most independent women I know. She raised me nearly by herself and never has needed a man to do anything. From yard work to sewing, from going to every single play and sports game to giving my high school boyfriend ‘the talk,’ my mom has been my constant superhero. And now she’s doing the scariest thing she can — she’s going to start online dating.
As I talked to her about her excitement, fears, and concerns, I realized how powerful her voice was. My mother represents the millions of women her age who want what she wants — a partner. In her exact words, she wants “someone I can go to a baseball game with or share a cup of coffee with or go to the movies. I’d like to be with someone who’s fun. The purpose [of online dating] isn’t exactly to get married, it’s to find a friend.”
While some people want to and do find the love of their life using the myriad of apps and websites that we have at our fingertips, many want what my mom does — a partner. Thankfully, many apps have a designated section to put what you’re looking for in a relationship. This way my mom won’t get paired with the man who wants a one-night stand, but she also won’t match with the man who already has his ring picked out.
So I’m writing this article as a love letter to the women who are going to start online dating. I tried my best to capture the very real and raw emotions of someone reentering the dating scene after almost 40 years of marriage. Yes, online dating is amazing and it’s wonderful that we can meet eligible people from our phones, but it’s also overwhelming and scary.
If you’re entering the dating scene after being out of it for a bit, I just want to say I’m proud of you. Not many people recognize how hard it is to online date, step out of your comfort zone, and possibly get your heart broken. While online dating might not always look appealing or fun, these women are taking their love lives into their own hands. This isn’t easy and it’s not the love story we grew up reading at night, but it’s amazing that you’re doing it, and I’m so proud of each and every one of you.
“I’m an introvert so the idea of putting myself out there isn’t appealing. I didn’t like the dating scene when I was 17, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like it now.”
My mom’s statement echoes millions of women’s opinions. Dating is scary. It’s beautiful and cute and easy on screen, but when the lights come up, you’re in a crowded movie theater next to a guy you met online who could potentially be the biggest mistake or best decision of your life. Sounds like a great Friday night, right?
I know personally that online dating can be an introvert’s nightmare. There were times when I was on the apps and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to men about their hopes and dreams. But online dating can also be an introvert’s playground. There is no rulebook for online dating that requires you to go out. You can easily unmatch with someone the second you don’t see a future with them. You also can do all of this while wearing your pajamas, and no one will ever know.
“I’m not ready to online date. I’m ready to meet someone and the only way to do that seems to be online dating.”
The world of dating is completely different than most of us have ever experienced. While meeting a man at church or in the grocery store seems like the perfect Hallmark moment, TV moments often stay on TV.
I’ve had a few relationships (including my current one) that started on an app. Yes, we do joke that our future kids won’t know how we met, but I don’t see any real shame in it. I wanted to meet someone and I wasn’t meeting them easily, so I went online.
Dating apps saw a huge spike in popularity during the pandemic. We were all shut in our houses and wanted to form and maintain relationships. Although not everyone could physically meet their new partner for a bit, dating apps became a lifeline for some people during quarantine.
“The idea of an arranged relationship sounds terrific because someone else does all the vetting.”
The concept of having your friends introduce you to your partner is romantic. Imagine your favorite people who know you better than anyone in the world picking a perfect man for you. But when you get to be a certain age, all your friends are married and the majority of their friends are also married.
The dating apps are designed to be like that friend who knows you so well. Their algorithms match you with someone you’re probably going to “like.” The majority of these apps will ask you what you want in a partner and present you with people who meet (or at least say they meet) those qualifications.
And most people on dating apps do want to date. They wouldn’t buy subscriptions and spend hours on their profiles if they just wanted to mess with you. Where else in the world can you go where everyone wants the same thing?
I love this option for my mother and some of my friends because they deserve the world…and they’re really picky. While not everyone online will be Prince(ss) Charming, there’s a better chance of meeting him there than on the side of the road.
“I’m relying on my daughters to make a, what’s it called…a profile? Ordering stuff on Amazon makes me anxious, so you can imagine how online dating makes me feel. I’m worried I’ll pay too much or get the wrong thing.”
The problem with online dating is that it’s a garden hose of potential mates. There are a ton of portfolios, prices, packages, people, and possibilities. It can get overwhelming, especially if you haven’t dated in a bit. So I made a chart and reviewed a few of the most popular websites and apps that people are using right now. I hope this is helpful!
Match
Cost:
Standard Plan:
– 3 months – $19.99 per month
– 6 months – $17.99 per month
– 12 months – $15.99 per month
Premium Plan:
– 3 months – $23.99 per month
– 6 months – $19.99 per month
– 12 months – $16.49 per month
Average Age Range: 30-44
Making A Profile:
You know the drill: Height, weight, social security card…wait, not that last one. Match also asks you what kind of relationship you want. The options range from just browsing singles to a date but nothing serious, serious, and long-term.
Meet Your Matches:
I personally don’t love the first-glance look of the matches. You can look up people in your area in the “discover” tab, but it doesn’t give you a great look at them. Just a profile picture, name, and age. Obviously, the information is just a click away. I’m just lazy.
Once you get matched to someone, you can see the percentage of a match they are to you and everything else about them. Literally everything else. Match doesn’t hold back. It tells you how much they make, how much they exercise, all those things.
Final Review:
I will say that my friends who met on Match said it was pretty overwhelming. There are a ton of people on this dating app and some describe it as “quantity over quality.” But if you have the time, Match does have a ton of success stories!
eharmony
Cost:
– Premium Light – 6 months – $65.90 per month
– Premium Plus – 12 months – $45.90 per month
– Premium Extra – 24 months – $35.90 per month
Average Age Range: 30-44
Making A Profile:
The process is broken down into three different steps: Your personal information, who you are looking for, and the compatibility quiz.
Your personal information has all the basic questions. Eharmony does ask for your income, but unlike Match, it doesn’t show your answer in your profile. It uses that information to help out with the matching algorithm. I personally like the two final questions in this section: What are two or three things you enjoy doing in your free time?, and What are three things you’re thankful for?
After that, you fill out what you want in a partner. This section has just three questions: Your partner’s preferred age (you select the range), how far they should be from you, and how important distance is.
Then there’s the compatibility quiz. This is where the eharmony algorithm really kicks in. This quiz’s questions are all meant for the algorithm to gauge how you feel about yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner. This is the personal touch that makes eharmony so successful.
Meet Your Matches:
The profiles that eharmony selects for you will show the basics of who they are. It will then let you message, wink, or favorite the profile depending on how you want to move forward in communication.
Eharmony includes a feature called “The Two of You Together” that gives you a compatibility percentage based on the traits you both matched on.
Final Review:
This dating app seems the most loved by its users. The matching algorithm is no joke, and it is a step above the basic dating apps where you go through the matches on your own. Eharmony is worth the extra cost because of how far it goes to ensure that your potential partners’ personalities match your own.
Zoosk
Cost:
– 1 month – $29.95 per month
– 3 months – $19.98 per month
– 6 months – $12.49 per month
– 12 months – $12.49 per month
Average Age Range: 25-34
Making A Profile:
Once again, nothing too crazy in these questions. I will say I don’t love the question What is your body type?, but I didn’t make the app. One interesting feature about this app is the picture. The app requires you to take a picture with your phone and then authenticates your other pictures referencing the live one. That way you can’t post a picture of you in your twenties if you’re actually in your fifties. I liked that feature a lot.
Meet Your Matches:
Again, Zoosk seems to be very similar to many other dating apps and websites. You can see your matches’ basic information at a glance. You can also choose the carousel feature if you want to rapidly swipe through your options. Zoosk is very intuitive and learns what you want as you like or don’t like certain profiles.
Final Review:
This app is more quality over quantity. The majority of Zoosk users are established business people or doctors. While that is an amazing usership, there are only so many people who fall into these categories, so you can go through people pretty quickly.
SilverSingles
Cost:
– 1 month – $54.95 per month
– 3 months – $37.95 per month
– 6 months – $27.95 per month
Average Age Range: 50 and over
Making a Profile:
It’s time for another personality test! This one has over 100 questions, so you’re going to find a pretty personalized match with this test. The questions cover everything including your personality, character, outlook on life, and habits. After the questionnaire is filled out, they ask you to upload a photo and answer seven questions on your profile. These questions can be anything from your favorite pastime to your dream date.
Meet Your Matches:
You will be presented with people who match your profile and a percentage of how well they match you. You can further boil down your results based on proximity, height, age, and similarities. If you want to try SilverSingles for free, you can send your matches a “smile” and they can email or call you. If you become a premium member, you can message them on the website!
Final Review:
This website is a good choice for older members looking to find love. Their success rates are high if you’re looking for something on the more serious side. I will say that this isn’t a website that you should try for free. Premium members are allowed to do basic things that free members can’t, like view photos and such. So just keep that in mind!
OurTime
Cost:
– 1 month – $31.96 per month
– 6 months – $15.96 per month
Average Age Range: 50+
Making a Profile:
This is a more basic set up. You can choose your gender, basic information (birthday, city you live in, etc.), who you’re looking for, and create your username and password. The website comes with an “OurTime coach” bot that will help guide you through setting everything up and searching for your matches!
Meet Your Matches:
This website isn’t as tailored to you as some others. You get to pick how you want to narrow your matches down as you go. You can choose qualifiers like distance and age.
Final Review:
I don’t love how impersonal this app is. There are some that really go through it all with you and narrow down what you like and match you with people like you. I don’t see anything like that on OurTime. One of the questions I found very interesting on a website is about those who are bisexual. The website only offers two genders throughout the whole process, and you can choose the same gender, but not both to match with. If this is a problem for you, simply contact the OurTime customer care team. I feel like this website is lacking a bit in comparison with some of the other options.
Senior Friends Date
Cost:
– 1 month – $22.94
– 3 months – $33.93 (in total)
Average Age Range: 60+
Making a Profile:
A pretty basic profile, nothing too complicated here — just fill out your gender and the gender of the person you’re looking for. One of the main benefits of this profile is that it doesn’t take long and it isn’t confusing. Most of the questions that you can fill out are optional, so you can be as public or private as you want to be.
Meet Your Matches:
You can decide how you want to find your matches by filtering them as you go. This may change daily, but Senior Friends Date tries to be as uncomplicated as possible, which means that there are no personality tests or anything that may complicate the process.
Final Review:
This website is a part of the FriendFinder network, so couples can also look for other couples to be friends with on this app, which I think is really sweet. This website does come with a free version, but it is pretty limited to what it can do. Senior Friends Date is definitely one of the easier to use websites out there.
“I didn’t invest 40 years with your dad so that I could online date at 65.”
I want to leave this as the last quote. Simply because it’s heartbreaking. No, I don’t want my mother to online date. I want God to put a man on her porch at this exact moment and for her to never have to spend hours making a profile. I want her to find the truest and best love of her life without her lifting a finger.
Sadly, online dating is a lot like gardening. There are amazing flowers and herbs and plants in the garden, but you have to look for them sometimes. And you’re going to have to weed out a lot of garbage to get to them. I don’t want my mom to have to garden for love. I want her to have it now.
That being said, I know that love is out there for her — and you cannot imagine how excited I am for her to find it!
Have you tried online dating? What are your tricks? Comment below!
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