While I’ve never dated someone who has been married before, a lot of my friends have.
I’ve spoken to friends who have been married or are involved with someone who has been married, and I’ve discovered that dating or committing to someone who has been married or engaged before might lead to some issues.
However, the divorced man you are dating is usually not the one who is having issues. Your unexpected feelings of insecurity and jealousy are yours.
Given that the U.S. has a running joke about how 50% of marriages eventually end in divorce, I never understood why it would be such a problem. However, a New York Times article dispelled this misconception and highlighted the decline in divorce rates.
It appears that dating, loving, and wanting to be with someone who has previously been married or engaged is a very different situation. Buy why?
What The Relationship Experts Say
What hurts you more, asks relationship psychotherapist Esther Perel? The fact that they were married, or the fact that they did so to someone other than you?
You can feel excluded if there had been a marriage before your relationship. It bothers some when they give a partner’s past marriage too much thought, and that is okay. But in the end, will it prevent them from loving their significant other or lessen their desire to date them? In no way, according to The Good Trade.
“Each of us brings into marriage a boatload of unarticulated thoughts about what it means to be married based on what we’ve seen, heard, experienced, or formulated in contrast to our parents’ example – and those unconscious thoughts influence our behavior and reactions,” says relationship expert and author Peg Streep in Psychology Today.
Divorce is no different. Our opinions about marriage play a significant role in how each of us envisions our lives unfolding. If your spouse has already been married, whether you desire to be married or not, it may derail your internal life plan.
Relationships can go in a variety of directions, and in the end, you must commend your partner for making an effort to find true love. You should admire anyone who has the fortitude to see when something isn’t working, and has the courage to let it go.
So, how do you go about dating someone who has already been married? The Good Trade offers these tips:
Take Direction From Them
Although you have every right to ask the questions racing through your head, let your partner take the initiative and provide any details they feel comfortable revealing because, after all, it was their experience.
Later, as your friendship develops, you can start asking more challenging questions and engaging in two-way exchanges.
Talk To Other People
Divorce was, in the article writer’s opinion, a pretty rare occurrence. Finding a community is always reassuring, but when you speak with more acquaintances, you’ll discover that many of them have dated or are currently married to divorcees. Ask them about their experiences – their insight could be invaluable to growing your relationship!
Take a step back and consider what in your background may be setting off a negative reaction if your partner’s prior marriage bothers you – proceed from there.
As with everything in the past, there is nothing you can do to change it, but if you want to keep dating, you’ll need to find a strategy that works for you.
Thoughts On Dating A Divorced Man
Personally, I don’t think it is worth limiting yourself because your partner had a life before meeting you; you have a past dating life as well.
Keep what you now have in mind, and don’t let the fact that they’ve traveled down that road with someone else derail you.
Consider this: Just as they underwent their own growth and self-discovery to get where they are today, you too underwent your own breakups, self-discovery, and growth to get there.
All of this has led to the moment you two met, the moment that has led to this once-in-a-lifetime voyage. Don’t allow a minor issue to ruin something lovely and possibly put off your soulmate.
Tell us if you have any experience with dating a divorced man in the comments!
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