Entering My Villain Era: How I Found Myself Again

Maybe it’s all the talk on social media, or maybe it’s just hitting my mid-30s, but I officially have entered my “villian era.” What is a villian era to be exact? There are many ways of wording it, but basically it means embracing the negativity and judgment from others that comes when you say “no” to people, and living your life unapologetically. It doesn’t mean that you become selfish or unkind but rather less tolerant of things that don’t serve you. We all hit a breaking point of just how much we can take, and I hit mine this year. It’s been a year of intentional self work, and I am proud of how far I’ve come in all of this. 

I’ve been a people-pleaser for most of my life. Working hard for the validation of others is what fueled my productive fire, and the feeling only got worse when I became a mom. I became completely detached from who I used to be before I was a mother and lived for the service of those I loved most. As a creative outlet, I started to utilize social media to create, and with that came wonderful opportunities as an influencer. As fun as that world may be, it was secretly another form of instant validation that was yet another trigger. In order for me to be my best, I needed to eliminate the things that caused me to feel less than. 

I decided one day that I was going to live for the validation of myself. That I would spend this year slowly returning to the person I once was before anyone called me Mom. I realized just how little I was pouring into my own cup and how little I really knew about myself. I did so much for so many people, why wouldn’t I give myself the same amount of love? And so, the project began. 

My Villain Era

I entered my villain era without even really knowing it. Simply deciding that I was important enough to prioritize was the push I needed in the right direction. I started saying “no” to things that I didn’t want to go to, or felt pressured to attend. I started saying “no” to creating content that wasn’t authentic to me, simply to please someone else. When I needed to rest after a long day of work, I decided to rest, rather than pushing through and working harder. I made the commitment to show myself more love and respect, and I did not care about what anyone thought on the matter. 

It has been a totally liberating experience. Regaining my self-respect has caused the ones I love most to understand the new boundaries I’ve created. I learned that it was OK to have boundaries, and even though that sounds like a simple concept, it took a while for me to learn it. 

Entering my villain era was not an overnight journey, but more of a current work in progress. It’s a slow walk to a better version of myself. The version of myself that understands what she will and will not tolerate. 

Here’s how to properly enter your villain era:

  • Set boundaries 

  • Get rid of any relationships lacking reciprocal energy 

  • Indulge in every interest you have 

  • Put yourself out there 

  • Accept that you’ll always be the villain in someone’s story


Have you reached your villain era? Tell us in the comments!

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