How To Date Yourself When Your Anxiety Makes It Hard

When was the last time you took yourself out on a date? I’m not talking about a cute date with your girlfriends or your partner. I mean you alone, dressed up at a restaurant, bar, book store, movie theater, thrift store, or wherever you want to go.

Something I’ve never done but I’ve always been curious about is going out on a solo date. I’m okay with being alone, but for some reason, I can’t get comfortable with the idea of going out somewhere and sitting down by myself. 

Not only does it add to my anxiety because I am a female and we live in a messed up world, but I also feel like it would be awkward. What do you do when you’re on a date by yourself? Who do you talk to? Do you just sit and stare at a wall? 

This week, I’m going to find out.

What are Solo Dates?

@breelenehan this voiceover just gets more chaotic because I recorded it while walking up a hill so pls excuse how out of breath I am 😂 #dateyourself #soloadventure #solodate #selfdate #dateidea #sundayreset #australia ♬ My Name Is – D Billions

I love going on dates. I’m blessed to be marrying the love of my life in a few months and going out with him is one of the greatest joys in my life. But I have never taken myself out on a date alone. 

I’m not going to lie, this concept scares me. I don’t want to be the person sitting alone at a restaurant and having to tell the waiter that no one else is coming. 

My TikTok has begun serving me videos of people doing things that scare them, and solo dates are a popular subject for these videos. It’s usually a girl talking about how she took herself on a date and it was great but scary. 

I’ve always been interested to see if solo dates are actually worth it.

The Psychology of Solo Dates

If I’m going to go out of my comfort zone, I want to know if it’s going to be worth it in the long run. Thankfully, anytime you venture out of your safe little box, it’s usually worth it. 

Psychiatrist Stephanie Macadaan, LMFT, says, “Many people have an underlying insecurity about being alone, and going out on a solo date may feel like a spotlight is being shone on that… In that case, a solo date can feel sad, lonely, and hurtful.” But when you start to feel those feelings on or about the date, she suggests making a “conscious effort to shift to a mindset of feeling empowered, strong, and independent.”

It’s all in your brain. While that is a privileged thing to say, and I will take my CBD oil before I go out alone, it’s true. If you approach your solo date with anxiety and worry, it will most likely not go great, just as if you were going on a ‘real’ date with someone else. Don’t set yourself up for failure, but instead, hope for the best and look for what you can learn on these dates. 

The act of going out on solo dates in and of itself is an act of empowerment. Macadaan says, “It feels empowering to realize your ability to soothe, comfort, and enjoy your time outside of being connected to another person.” While I’ll never invalidate the power of going on a date with your significant other and spending quality time getting to know them, there is also a lot to be said about spending quality time getting to know yourself.

My Week

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I knew I had anxiety about this concept, but I don’t think I knew how much anxiety I would have throughout the week. Here’s the thing — I live alone, I go grocery shopping alone, I walk alone… I am a functioning human when I’m not with my fiancé. 

That being said, I didn’t love going on dates alone.

Every day for the past week, I’ve made an effort to get off my couch, do my makeup, put on a cute outfit, and do something fun and selfish, honestly. I’ve gotten into a habit of only doing things that my partner and I both wanted to do for a while, so this week was filled with Target, Anthropologie, and sightseeing dates that I’ve been itching to go on for a while, but I know that my fiancé wouldn’t enjoy. 

I was shocked by the amount of anxiety I faced every time I went out. I’m honestly glad I had this experience because I didn’t know I was so afraid of doing basic things alone. 

As the week progressed, I fell more and more in love with doing things for just me. I loved going out and looking great but not seeing anyone I knew. Also, I loved the excuse to go to a coffee shop or a bookstore or wherever I wanted to go for a week and be able to just be. 

I think I needed this week to fall back in love with myself and do things that scared the absolute shit out of me but were so worth it in the end.

My Results

Not only did this week make me fall more in love with myself and reconnect to the things that bring light and joy into my life, but it also made me appreciate my fiancé so much more. 

I’m genuinely glad I pushed myself to go out of my comfort zone and do things that he usually does for me. I’m glad I slightly romanticized my life for the past week because that’s truly what dating yourself is all about. 

I also learned to redefine dates. I’ve been in a relationship for a few years now and we settle into routines and habits. Our ‘dates’ usually consist of going to a store once a week and every other night we cook each other dinner and watch TV. I think I needed this ‘challenge’ to remind myself that a date ought to be utterly enjoyable. 

I think I will continue to take myself on little dates throughout the next few months, and I’ll continue to work on falling more in love with myself every day.


Have you ever been on a date with yourself? Are you going to go now? Comment below!

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