Blaming Women For Their Sex Tapes Being Leaked Needs To Stop, Like, Yesterday

Vanessa Hudgens. Emma Watson. Jennifer Lawrence. Sexting is the seemingly innocuous norm that, unfortunately, has a pretty brutal dark side. Deepfakes, revenge porn, and leaked sex tapes and nudes are becoming more and more common. It’s a complete violation of women’s rights, and one of the cruelest parts: the victim is often blamed, being told “if you don’t want it to get around, don’t send it.”

Whereas men are praised for receiving sexual content, women are labeled “sluts”, “easy”, and an abundance of other derogatory terms for sending them. And rather than call out those who release this content without a woman’s consent, it’s just assumed that it’s going to happen — and when it does, it’s the woman’s fault.

That is a disgusting outlook to have. Here’s why.

The Cost on Mental Health

“I would be in tears every single day. I didn’t want to leave my house, didn’t want to show my face. I felt like my life was over.”

That’s how Paris Hilton recently revealed she felt after her sex tape was leaked. Hilton’s ex, Rick Salomon, filmed a steamy session later titled “1 Night in Paris.” The tape was then released without her permission and picked up and distributed by Kahatani Ltd. Both Salomon and Hilton proceeded to sue Kahatani Ltd, though Salomon sued the Hilton family as well, claiming that Hilton had consented, and the family was guilty of defamation of character.

The internet was vicious. Late-night talk show hosts gossiped about it; Saturday Night Live ran with it, turning it into a comedic skit; Sarah Silverman joked about it and took jabs at Hilton at an award show Hilton was present at. “It was a private experience.… It still gives me post-traumatic stress disorder to talk about it.”

Yeah, the average woman isn’t famous — but that doesn’t mean they aren’t traumatized when their nudes and sex tapes land in laps they were never intended for. And just because these images and videos were made consensually does not mean they can be distributed without thought.

The Stats Behind Sexting 

ZAVA conducted a study of 2,000 Europeans and Americans, analyzing the difference between the two groups regarding sexual texting. Thirty-two percent of American women aged 35 to 44 reported sending nudes, and another 27% of American women 45+ sent nudes. In all age groups, Americans were more likely to send risqué texts than Europeans. 

ZAVA also analyzed the sex life satisfaction that came with sexting. The more often texts were sent, the higher the sex life satisfaction was, with 62% saying daily sexting helped them remain very satisfied. Weekly sexting led to a 42% response of a very satisfying sex life.

So, people like sexting. What’s the problem?

Image Source: ZAVA

Well, a big one is keeping and deleting nudes. Men are more likely to save them than women (nearly half admitted to saving at least one), while women are more likely to ask for a nude to be deleted. And seven percent of US women had their nudes exposed, while a startling 15% of European women had their nudes released without their consent.

Revenge Porn and Deepfakes

One infamous moment in recent celeb history: in the midst of a nasty breakup, Rob Kardashian released Blac Chyna’s personal nudes on Instagram as revenge. I’m not sure what he was thinking, because I’m not that cruel of a human being. My guess: woman scorned me and possibly used me, and I’m going to get back at her.

Most revenge porn is posted by an ego-bruised (usually ex-) lover. Whether it’s “punishment,” blackmailing, lashing out because of a break up, or trying to keep “their woman” in line, those who post revenge porn are celebrated by friends and leave the victim helpless. Many postings have personal information leaked, too, like full names, addresses, and employers. Data&Society Research Institute reported that one in 25 Americans has been a victim of revenge porn, and one in 10 women over the age of 30 has been threatened by a release of their intimate data.

Deepfakes are another type of revenge porn used to manipulate victims into defenseless positions. Made by adding people’s faces to others’ bodies using AI, those looking for revenge can claim that their photo or video is of the person whose face is being used. They can also manipulate video into looking like realistic, deepfake porn – even if the body is a porn star’s, and not the original woman’s.  It’s a terrifying use of technology, one that is more difficult to stop because it doesn’t require actual nudes or videos to create.

How to Protect Yourself if You’re a Victim 

Victim-blaming is over. No longer should we punish, ostracize, criticize, or make fun of those who have been so disgustingly and blatantly violated. That’s why the most important first step is acknowledging that leaks are not your fault. It is your perpetrator’s for breaking your trust.

Image Source: Cyber Civil Rights Initiatives

Next, learn about your rights. These vary by state, but most have laws in place to prosecute perpetrators who have released your information. The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative website has information related to what you can do legally to fight back, as well as information on their site regarding FAQs on how to remove revenge porn (for example, how to report to Facebook and Twitter), a listing of attorneys, and a 24-hour crisis helpline. 

Remove all personal information from the internet as best you can. Those who are into revenge porn will look to battle you however they can – usually in the form of online correspondence. Put all social media on private, and remove any information that can be found by a quick Google search. 

Going to the authorities may be intimidating, but it is absolutely a step you must take. They may ask uncomfortable questions, so prepare yourself for a deep probing into the how and why. Continue to follow up until you get a verdict on if they can help. If they can’t, fight your way to the district attorney. 

Finally, if you’re being threatened on top of the releases, it can be tempting to hit delete and hide. Instead, take screenshots and document every single bit of correspondence with your attacker, as well as any sites and information that are distributing it. You can then take this information to the police and file a restraining order.

It’s time we stop blaming victims for what they did, and instead hold those who release these intimate items without consent accountable.

Has this happened to you? What did you do? Bring your wisdom into the comments.

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