Trouble In Bed? It Might Be Time To Find Out Your Erotic Blueprint

By now, most of you have probably watched Sex, Love & goop on Netflix

It arrived on the streaming service in November, and when Gwyneth Paltrow does anything, it gets buzz. 

Some people love her lifestyle coach/brand, while others find her tedious and out of touch.

I love her as an actor and don’t know much about her goop brand beyond the infamous vagina candle —  a brazen move, IMO. 

Am I put off or jealous by her aroma choice? On the one hand, my body says “Ewww why” but on the other I’m envious that she has a wonderful relationship with her vagina — it has to smell FANTASTIC to put that scent in a candle that SOLD OUT. 

erotic blueprint

I’m conflicted, and that’s OK! 

Either way, Paltrow always starts a conversation. 

Watching six episodes of her tackling sex sounded like work, but it is actually for work so I settled in for a binge. 


Sex, Love & goop (I really dislike the name goop, it calls to mind primordial ooze) follows different partners on a journey to (hopefully) better sex. 

You know what? I enjoyed this show a lot — I went in with a pessimistic attitude but was pleasantly surprised by how entertaining and informative it turned out to be. 

The premise is that couples are struggling in the bedroom, and they seek out Paltrow for help. 

And to give credit where credit is due, Paltrow is in over her head in the sex advice area, so she calls in somatic sexologist Jaiya, whom I’m calling a sexpert

Enter the Erotic Blueprint.

What Is An Erotic Blueprint?

According to Jaiya, “Your Erotic Blueprint is a map to your own wiring and your own turn-on. I like to think of it mostly as a language.” 

Her theory, developed over 20 years of working with couples, is that everyone has an erotic language and that knowing your Erotic Blueprint can help “empower you to better communicate your needs when it comes to intimacy and sex,” according to the Erotic Blueprint site.

erotic blueprint

“Your Erotic Blueprint is like your turn-on language, your arousal language. The blueprint will either have positives or shadow sides to it, unconscious sides to it, or things that have charge around it,” she says

“We can move through those, so we can enhance the positive and we can release and heal the shadow aspects of the blueprint.”

If you and your partner know your erotic blueprints, you can exercise more compassion for each other, and better understand what you both want and need for great sex. 

Most importantly, you can find out why you both act and react the way you do while being intimate.

What Are The Five Erotic Blueprint Types?


The sensual type is someone who’s turned on by all of their senses being ignited. This is someone who loves taste and smell. They want to walk into a beautiful setting when they’re coming into their erotic play. 

They also bring artistry to the equation. And so the superpower of sensuality is that they have full-body access to orgasmic pleasure through sensations — it isn’t always a genital-focused orgasm. It could be something like somebody feeding you a delicious piece of chocolate while they lick the back of your knee. 

erotic blueprint


The energetic type is someone who is turned on by anticipation, space, tease, longing, yearning. 

You may be an energetic type if you feel everything before the kiss happens. It’s like, “Oh my god, oh my god, we’re going to kiss. We’re going to kiss, ah!” 

That feeling. You are very, very sensitive, so it doesn’t take much to turn you on. It’s like dropping a pebble into the water and watching the ripples go out.


The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we think of as sexual in our culture. Nudity, genitals, orgasm, penetration — these are some of the things the sexual loves. 

The superpower of the sexual is that usually, turn-on is pretty easy: You can go from zero to sixty quickly. It’s not that there’s a lack of depth there, but there’s a certain simplicity. 

It’s like, “I love this. This is what works. Let’s do this.”

It’s very straightforward in some ways; it’s easier to access arousal through the genitals.

erotic blueprint


The kinky type is someone who is turned on by the taboo. 

There are a couple of different kinds of kinky types: One is more psychological, where it’s about the power dynamics. One is more sensation-based, where it’s more about the feeling of ropes on their skin or impact play or intense sensation that arises. 

It’s not necessarily what we think of as kink, though; it’s about what’s taboo for you.


The shapeshifter type is someone who’s turned on by everything the sensual, sexual, kinky, and energetic types are turned on by. 

The superpower of a shapeshifter is that they can shapeshift to be an amazing lover to anyone. They can say, “Oh, my partner is a sensual — I’ll shapeshift to be a sensual.” 

And they’re turned on by that.

How Do You Find Out Your Erotic Blueprint Type?

To find out your Erotic Blueprint Type, take this quiz

You can choose from the in-depth quiz for $17 or a basic option for free. 

I took the free quiz (I am not about to pay $17 for a questionnaire) and waited 24 hours for the results to arrive via email — and arrive they did. 

The results read as follows:

“Exciting news…Your primary £rotic Blueprint Type is: Kinky!”

With an exclamation point!

“As a Kinky Type™ you’re creative in bed and you love power play and/or physically intense engagement.”

Congratulations! (no idea why I’m being congratulated but I’ll take it). 

erotic blueprint

“There are two different primary routes to turn on for Kinkys, and you probably prefer one over the other.”

Am I a “Psychological Kinky” or a “Sensation Based Kinky?”

Here’s how she broke it down. 

If my turn on is psychological kink:

  • You like game play

  • Power dynamics

  • Intense Naughty Talk

And if I’m a sensation-based Kinky I love:

  • To give or receive intense sensation

  • Constraint

  • Sensory overwhelm

Some Kinkys love both styles and I guess I’m a combo?

But wait — there’s more!

Superpowers And Shadow Sides 

Did I know each Blueprint Type has Superpowers and Shadow sides? I did not, but I am thrilled to have any kind of power. 

Superpowers of the Kinky Type:

  • You are very creative, with a large sexual vocabulary

  • When shame is absent, you are very good at communication

  • You’re easy to turn on when the right psychological buttons are pushed

  • Taboo and edge play is erotically arousing for you

Shadow Aspects:

  • A specific fantasy or fetish can become your only route to turn-on

  • You may hide your Kinky desires and have deep shame

Fed By:

  • Taboo. Taboo can be anything that is outside of your “normal” box

  • Creativity in and outside of the bedroom

“Kinkys are the type most subjected to judgment from the outside world, so it’s really important that you feel safe to open and explore,” says Jaiya. 

“What I find beautiful about the kinky is you could play in it the rest of your life and never have explored all there is to explore.”

Do I agree or recognize any of my sexual appetites in the results?

That is none of your business. But if Covid ever gets under control, I may go exploring. 

To find out your Erotic Blueprint Type, click here to take the free quiz. 


Did you take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz? Share your type in the comments! 

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