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Ahhh, goop. I’ve been waiting to write about you, the company dreamed up and run by Gwyneth Paltrow. goop products
Why am I excited? Because goop has become one of the most controversial brands. And not just because it’s a celebrity-owned company – its notoriety comes completely on its own. So, I bring to you my favorite, most interesting (and, cough, most expensive) choices in the goop online store, and whether you should buy or pass these goop products. goop products
First: The Controversies
Before we dive into these products, it’s important to note why goop is so controversial. We’ll start with one product still in the store: the Jade Egg. Jade is porous, so if bacteria gets in there and you use this as a suppository, you can contract an infection – including toxic shock syndrome. It claims to help you “feel the connection with your body,” but I’d pass and avoid the risk of TSS.
Goop was also in the news because of a product no longer in-store: the “Bio-Frequency Healing” sticker pack. Goop claimed that it contained NASA space suit material to help “rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies.” (Not entirely sure what that means, but, moving on.) A spokesperson for NASA addressed the product, telling Gizmodo that this was false, as space suits “do not have any conductive carbon material lining [them].”
Long story short: take everything goop says with a grain of salt, including the following items:
This Smells Like My Orgasm Roll-On – BUY
How did Paltrow come up with the scent of an orgasm? I’m not too sure, nor do I want to dive into the details. This roll-on perfume smells like grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries, mixed with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes to give you a tart-yet-sensual scent. Even though the name is awkward, it smells so good.
Move Diffuser – BUY
Placing small diffusers in each room? Struggling with enough outlets? Not a problem anymore with this diffuser. Charge it up, put it anywhere you’d like, then add water and your essential oil. There are two settings: four hours of consistent diffusing, or eight hours of on-and-off diffusing.
Clear Quartz Crystal-Infused Water Bottle – PASS
This water bottle is definitely pretty, and with claims of adding items to water for health benefits, it may be tempting to buy this clear-quartz water bottle. But do know: it doesn’t provide you with any physical health benefits, just good, self-loving vibes.
Why Am I So Effing Tired? – PASS
This pack is filled with vitamins (especially high-dose vitamin B), omega-3s, herbs sourced from ancient Ayurveda, a licorice boost, and an adaptogen blend (including Holy Basil and Ashwagandha). The pack is not FDA-approved, and you can get more than a month’s worth of vitamins, adaptogen blends, and omega-3s at your local drugstore for way less than $90.
The Farmstand – BUY
If you live in a smaller space, The Farmstand will allow you to garden in one corner of your home. It’s a self-fertilizing, self-watering vertical garden which only requires five minutes of attention per week. It’s also sustainable, made from plastic recovered from coastal communities.
Collar and Lead Bondage Set – PASS
This fashionable BDSM accessory is gorgeous, no denying it. Stainless steel and gold-plated, this collar and leash are also versatile – just remove the leash, and you have a subtle necklace. The price tag, however, might push you to find a cheaper entry into the BDSM world.
Pulse Warmer – BUY
Nothing is quite a mood-killer as cold lube, but Pulse fixes this problem with their lube warmer. Put in a Pulse pod of H2Oh! water-based lubricant, wait 60 seconds, and voila: you have warmed lube ready to go. Without parabens or fragrance, there will be no irritation. (Besides, who cares if lube smells like flowers? Exactly.)
goop Travel Straw – PASS
This glass travel straw comes with a travel case and tiny squeegee, so you don’t have to worry about after-taste. (No one likes coffee in their fruit smoothie.) It’s perfect if you’re looking for something affordable, so you can say “I own something from goop,” but if that doesn’t matter to you, support a smaller, more sustainable brand.
Diamond Paper Clip Earring – PASS
The $3,412-paper-clip-earring (yes, a singular earring) is so expensive, a signature is required for delivery. It’s made from 18-karat yellow gold and encrusted with diamonds, so everyone will capture the sparkle on your ear. A little ridiculous? Maybe. But that’s ~fashun~ for you.
Overall, goop is filled with fun stuff – but do your research before you splurge. Have you tried any of goop’s products? What are your thoughts on these? Let us know in the comments!
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