I’m going to share with you all a very important life lesson I have taught both my daughters. I’ve taught this to my sons as well but I think it’s especially important for women. Every woman needs to have a savings account for emergencies and she doesn’t need to share that information with anyone. I would argue that if you’re in a healthy, stable marriage in a community property state then you should probably share that information with your husband, but I digress. This little account is what I like to call her “Fuck Off Fund,” a term I first heard in an amazing article by Paulette Perhach back in 2016, although the concept was not new to me. Let me explain.
What is a Fuck Off Fund?
We can all agree that money is power, no? Financial freedom is the ultimate luxury, the ultimate feeling of control over your own life. We all like to think we know how we would react in a bad situation, if your partner called you names, if he grabbed you, maybe even hit you? Or if you suddenly discovered your husband was cheating. For sure you would leave and not look back, right? Maybe it’s not your partner, but a roommate who has become toxic. Constant stress and hiding in your room to avoid them, maybe they’re inviting people over who make you feel unsafe or maybe the tension is taking a toll on your mental and physical health. What if your boss made you uncomfortable, hit on you or told crude jokes, or just was cruel and made the environment a bad place to work — you’d go right to HR, of course?
BUT… let’s imagine those scenarios again, when you’re barely making ends meet. When you have debt and you can’t afford to move out of that boyfriend’s place. When going to HR might get you backlash and you need that job to keep the lights on or feed your kids. Or maybe HR would do the right thing, but it would be months before you see a payout.
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You know what the right thing is, but you have to be able to afford to do it. If you had a little saved up Fuck Off Fund, you would have the freedom to tell that boss to go to hell. To pack your stuff and leave that shared apartment, knowing you can afford first, last and deposit without issue. That is financial freedom — that’s power. I always say (from experience) that money doesn’t make you happy — but it does give you choices. And let’s be honest here, this doesn’t even need to be about a slimy boss or a bad relationship. I’ve used those examples because they’re the most eye-opening. This is also what you would need if you suddenly got laid off, if you got seriously ill, if a fantastic career opportunity opened up for you but it’s on the other side of the country and you’re in a lease. Maybe you want to leave your full time job and make your side business a career. That would require the same type of savings. I’m not trying to play into the “women are victims” scare tactic — just sharing some worst case scenarios.
How Do I Start a Fuck Off Fund?
How do you start this fund? First, open a savings account somewhere you don’t already have accounts. Online banks like Ally, Chime, or Capital One are great for this. You don’t want to see that available balance every time you look at your bank statements. Out of sight, out of mind. Then deposit weekly as much as you can. If you’re too tight financially to do that, then deposit any financial gifts you get — that birthday money from Nana, the co-worker who finally paid you back from a month’s ago loan, whatever. If you get a raise, keep living on the previous salary and deposit the raise amount in this account. Thinking about buying or leasing a new car? Maybe drive the old one for 6 more months and deposit the payment amount you would be making in the fund. Search out ways to prioritize this account and make tough choices. Figure out how much you would need to start over in these types of situations and keep that as your goal. Typically, three months expenses is ideal. Six months is even better.
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A Fuck Off Fund can be more than just money. Concentrate on building your network of people who could help you out in a bad situation. Business contacts who you could reach out to if you wanted to change jobs or companies or even start your own business. Maintain friendships when you’re in a relationship, so you have trusted people you could tell if you were in a bad situation.
A Fuck Off Fund is a mindset of putting your long term needs first and making sure you build a safety net for yourself so you never have to rely on anyone else. Traditionally, women have ceded control over finances too often to their husbands and thankfully, this seems to be changing dramatically with the younger generations. As my dad used to tell me, “It’s fine to be a passenger, but always be capable of rowing your own boat.”
Have you started a Fuck Off Fund? If not yet, are you going to? Let us know in the comments!
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