There is no denying that social media is a huge part of modern-day life. While there can be a lot of positives to it, studies have shown that it can also lead to stress, lower self-esteem, and unrealistic expectations of yourself, your body, and your life. For some, social media has become a rollercoaster of comparison and dissatisfaction. But how do we stop the ride if we’re not having fun anymore? In today’s episode, Kelly and Megan share some of the signs that it might be time to take a break from social media and highlight some of the negative impacts it can have on your children too. We discuss our personal relationships with social media and some of the strategies we have used to help us curb our social media addictions, from scheduling screen time to charging our phones in another room or even deleting the apps altogether! We also touch on the constant pressure influencers feel to create content, finding the balance between aesthetic and authenticity, and the value of setting boundaries for yourself, as well as the importance of taking the time to unplug and reconnect with yourself, nature, and your family. There is no right or wrong way to use social media and our use cases vary so widely, but we suggest asking yourself: if you were to not have your phone with you for a full day, a week, or a month, how would you feel? Sometimes, it is important to assess what you might be distracting yourself from. Tune in today for our insights on a topic that is relevant to almost everyone in 2021!
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Key Points From This Episode:
How social media can affect your mental health in a negative way.
The importance of also monitoring your children’s relationship with social media.
Kelly shares how she navigated social media with her own kids, balancing trust with safety.
How comparison on social media can impact young girls’ self-esteem and body image.
What a social media break can look like; the value of paying attention to your gut instincts.
Capturing the moment versus curating an experience instead of enjoying it in the moment.
It’s not about how you use social media, but how it is affecting your mental health.
How to cleanse your Instagram feed by focusing on how an account makes you feel.
Megan and Kelly discuss their personal relationships with social media and work.
The constant pressure to create content and the profound impact your like count can have.
How content creators and influencers have been affected by the pandemic.
Try sharing the content you feel has the most value, not what you think will “perform” best.
Finding the balance between aesthetic and authenticity.
Tips for those whose main source of income is social media: try batch working on content.
Megan highlights the importance of self-evaluating how and why you are using social media.
How to take a break, from scheduling screen time to deleting the apps altogether.
Kelly recommends that you don’t plug your phone in next to your bed at night.
The value of setting boundaries with yourself or time limits for the apps on your phone.
As with most things in life, moderation is key to healthy social media use.
The benefits of turning off notifications for all of your social media apps.
How you can benefit from doing a weekly or monthly “photo dump.”
The importance of taking time to unplug and reconnect with yourself, nature, and family.
Assess what you are distracting yourself from; how social media addiction can be symptomatic of deeper issues.
Strategies you can employ to reduce your dependency on your mobile phone.
Reevaluate how often you use social media, how it makes you feel, and whether or not you are using it to distract yourself from something.
“Beyond how you use social media, how often you’re on social media, a big thing about whether to take a break on social media or not is how it’s affecting you – not so much the hours you spend on it, but how that is affecting you and your mental health.” — Kelly Castillo [0:11:11]
“Sometimes, a small break [from social media] can make you really reflect on, is this truly what’s bringing me joy?” — Megan Block [0:16:06]
“It takes that pressure off for us to be able to share the content that we think has the most value, not the content we think is going to perform in the algorithm the best.” — Kelly Castillo [0:20:15]
“You need to take a break. You need to self-evaluate how you’re handling and using social media, and why you’re using it. [You’ve] got to really know why you’re on there.” — Megan Block [0:25:19]
“I would recommend to everyone that they [don’t] plug their phone in right next to their bed and even not in the same room, if that’s possible.” — Kelly Castillo [0:30:25]
“Opening up social media for many people creates [the] dopamine that you get with any other addictive substance. If you aren’t sure if this is really a problem for you, I recommend maybe using [app] limits.” — Kelly Castillo [0:34:28]
“There are screens everywhere to distract us from the life that we’re living. I understand why they’re there, but it’s really important that we take time to be unplugged from all of that and just reconnect.” — Kelly Castillo [0:41:15]
“Once you’re awake to this, then the world starts to change. But if you’re doing it out of habit or [as] an escape from whatever you’re feeling or going through, sometimes it’s easier just to tune out than it is to be present.” — Megan Block [0:44:09]
“Ask yourself: if I were to not have my phone with me for a full day, week, whatever, how would I handle that?” — Megan Block [0:51:52]
“We need to ask ourselves how often we’re using [social media apps], how we feel before and after we use them. Is it positive? Is it negative? Are we using them to escape from something in our life? Because that might be something we need to address within ourselves.” — Megan Block [0:56:39]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
[00:00:01] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to She’s a Full On Monet, a digital lifestyle magazine for women. Every week, our Editor-In-Chief, Kelly Castillo, along with Megan Black and special guests, participate in a deep-dive discussion about recent articles and topics we have covered. We invite you to become part of our community, where everyone is welcome.
[00:00:27] KC: Hi, guys. Welcome back to She’s A Full On Monet. We’re back for Episode 16 and this is your host, Kelly. I’m here with Megan as usual.
[00:00:34] MB: Hello, everybody.
[00:00:36] KC: We are going to touch on an important topic today, but it’s a little bit lighter topic than some of the ones we’ve done so far. I’m excited to talk about it because I feel like there was a little period of time where this was a major issue for me. Thankfully, I think I’m passed it, but I know it’s a major issue for a lot of people in my life, so I think it’s important. Today, we’re going to be talking about how to take a break from social media and also how to know when you need to take a break from social media. Because social media is a huge part of most people’s lives at this point and it can become almost addictive.
[00:01:09] MB: Yeah, and define you in a way, like you let it define you, you let it – the comparison and all that. So yeah, it’s a tricky thing.
[00:01:17] KC: Yeah. There’ve been a lot of studies and I don’t think we need studies to show us this, but that, being online a lot, on social media can create comparison, can create dissatisfaction with your life, can create unrealistic expectations of yourself, of your body, of your family. Since we all know that, I mean we – our conscious knows that, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t absorb some of that anyway, even though we rationally know that it’s not reality, that it’s curated. We know all of that, but it still can really affect us.
[00:01:50] MB: I agree. I also think it’s important to just go into the subject because it also is intertwined with it. The idea of how to handle kids and teens in social media, and how to monitor that because that can really heavily affect the way they see themselves. It’s the same as the way we see ourselves and handle it, the kids are handling it, but in a much more influential way because they’re just absorbing it all. How do you monitor the time? How do they take a social media break? How do you notice cues that maybe they’re showing you that maybe you need to know that they need a break? Because I see such young kids and it says that sometimes that their mom and dads are running their account, but like, young kids have social media now.
I remember when I was helping you out as a nanny, your kids had – we all were in that world of MySpace. Remember MySpace?
[00:02:43] KC: Yeah.
[00:02:43] MB: That was still a comparison situation. When your kids were growing up at that age, they still had social media at their fingertips and they’re still –
[00:02:53] KC: That was the –
[00:02:53] MB: A thing.
[00:02:54] KC: Yeah. That was the difference I think, because at that time, what the news was telling us and what scientific studies were telling us were, that what we needed as parents was to watch out for cyber bullying. That was really the only subject that was broached about social media, so I had all the passwords for my kids’ account. I would check and make sure that, first of all, no like stranger danger creeper was asking them for photos, or their address or something weird like that. But secondly, that there wasn’t any cyber bullying going on. I did have to actually handle that subject. There was an issue, that was a cyber bullying issue that happened and my child was the bully, I hate to say.
[00:03:31] MB: Oh goodness’ sake.
[00:03:32] KC: Oh God, yes!
[00:03:33] MB: But it’s real, you can be one side or the other and you still have to handle it as a parent.
[00:03:37] KC: Right. Yeah.
[00:03:38] MB: I mean, how do you step in and handle it.
[00:03:40] KC: Right. Everybody talks about like what to do if your child is victim of a cyber bully attack or how to monitor that or how to – what signs to look for in this kind of stuff, but nobody really talks about what to do of your child is being the bully. I did have to deal with that, but it never occurred to me to worry about their mental health as far as issues of sadness, comparison, jealousy, or social media addiction. It never even occurred to me. No one was talking about it at that time.
[00:04:06] MB: Nobody.
[00:04:07] KC: Now, I think it’s much – I think Instagram really started that because Instagram was a much more curated photo-heavy feed. That really started things. But, you know now, we have Snapchat, which you can’t sign into your kid’s account unless you’re on their phone and the photos delete after being viewed. There’s a lot of issues with underage minors sending each other nude photos, talking inappropriately. I mean, you really –
[00:04:35] MB: You can’t do anything about it, unless you physically can get your kid to hand over their phone and you’re checking. But even then, that’s like such a breach of trust sometimes, that’s why I was like curious when you said, you had all their passwords and stuff like that and you would check for things like bullying and stuff like that. There has to make sure – I don’t know. Some kids get really weird about it. I guess, if you do, you do, but you want to make sure that the kid feels like they have that space where they can go in and be themselves on social media. But you have to be so careful because it’s such a weird world we live in.
[00:05:07] KC: Yeah. Well, I told all the kids, as a blanket promise for me and not just about social media, but anything, that unless something was a health or safety issue, I would not interfere, I would not get involved, they would be punished for things they said to their friends on social media or by text message, or for things that they told me. I would keep all their confidences and I would not get involved unless it was a health or safety issue. I held that.
I was very adamant about sticking to that promise even when it was hard. They did feel comfortable enough with that to come to me when some of their friends were having things that they recognized right away was a health or safety issue.
I mean, I’ve had to talk to other parents and tell them their kid was about to run away, or that their kid was involved in some kind of sexually inappropriate relationship. I mean, I’ve had to be the parent who brings the bad news to another parent and it affected my relationship with some of my mom friends for sure, but it was one of those things where we had that agreement. If they came across something that was a health or safety issue, they had to bring it to me and I had to deal with it. But other than that, yeah, I didn’t snoop.
[00:06:13] MB: Yeah, because it’s almost like, kids don’t have diaries anymore. They have their social media. If you’re going in and you’re checking their DMs, you’re checking their messages, as much of a parent, we have a right to do. You also want to feel like that they can trust you and that they know you trust them to make good choices.
It’s such an invasion of privacy, but again, weird world. But yes, off topic but I just thought that was interesting because you’re a mother and I have a nine-year-old going on ten. She does not have any social media, although she asks me every other day. But she does have this thing called Roblox, which is like a gaming thing. It also has this chat forum. You can like – there is definitely cyber bullying issue sometimes. Not personally with her, but she tells me sometimes like people will say things.
It’s just like, I’m interested to know what you handled with, because I know social media is not going away and my kids are only getting older and I’m like, “How am I going to properly handle this without a breach of trust?”
[00:07:11] KC: My kids had Club Penguin, and then they evolved to MySpace. That had a chat feature too, where you could talk to your friends and be in a little group with them. But one thing I wish I had thought of and knew back then was to talk to my girls especially about making those comparisons with people that they see online, and accepting yourself and the wonders that are you versus what makes other people them and how everybody brings value to the table.
I wish I had – I mean, I did have those conversations like in a generalized way, but not in a social media centric way, where, “Honey, people photoshop their photos, people use filters, people use FaceTune. That’s not necessarily what that person looks like in their real life. Even if it is, you don’t need to hold yourself to the standards of what anyone else.”
[00:08:01] MB: [Inaudible 00:08:00] 0.1 percent.
[00:08:02] KC: Exactly.
[00:08:05] MB: It’s not. But anyway, how do you take a social media break? This is such a big thing because everybody has social media, like everybody has social media nowadays. Like my dad does. It’s like how – what are the signs of when you properly take a break and for how long? Because I’ve personally taken breaks when I felt burned out and, boy, do I feel good coming back. But it’s like, I know certain people that will take up posting break, but they’re still scrolling.
What is an actual social media break? How do you properly go about it? If you’re still scrolling, then it’s still triggering that part of the brain that’s possibly comparing. That’s possibly the addictive part for you. Maybe it’s not the posting, maybe it’s not – but maybe it’s like the – or maybe you just are literally ignoring your work, or your friends, or your family, or taking care of yourself because you’re just so into social media and the world of others. Maybe it’s not about you. It’s such a complex thing.
[00:09:02] KC: I would definitely pay attention to what your instinct is when you pick up your phone. If you immediately go to social media first thing in the morning or when you first pick up your phone. If you’re on social media when you’re on the clock and you’re supposed to be working, if that’s something especially that your employer frowns upon and you’re doing it, because it’s too long for that eight hours or whatever to not be on social media. If you’re on social media or trying to curate an experienced post on social media instead of enjoying the present of where you are and what you’re doing, those are all things that I think could be a red flag.
[00:09:36] MB: Oh my God! That’s such a big line. I see that often, where people are just – it’s just so much of their life that I’m like, “I see you are doing things,” but it’s literally like I watched it like I was there, but where you there? It’s like that. But yeah, that’s a good one too.
[00:09:51] KC: I mean, I watch people who are watching a concert or something in live and they’re watching it through their camera screen, their iPhone screens because they’re videotaping it or live streaming it or something like that. You miss a lot like that, because it’s a limited view, yeah.
[00:10:09] MB: It’s funny. There’s like a comedian, Louis C.K. I think is his name and he was making a joke about his kids play and how everyone’s phones go up. He’s like, “The resolution on your kid is way better.” Like, you know what I mean? Like, who cares? That stuck with me honestly, because I’m a victim of trying to capture those moments, because I think they’re important. I get it. It’s kind of like, instead of taking the giant VHS out or taking our phones out. But also, real life is way better. If that’s your first go to, where you’re out with your family and you’re recording every second of it and people are kind of aware of that. Maybe take a step back and –
[00:10:46] KC: Yeah. I think if you have trouble enjoying a moment in your life or an event or a time that you’re having with friends and family. If you have trouble enjoying that because you’re requiring the validation of needing to post it and have it be public that you did it, if you’re doing something really cool and you can’t fully enjoy that because you’re not sharing it with your followers, that is a red flag to me. But beyond just how you use social media, how often you’re on social media, a big thing about whether to take a break on social media or not is how it’s affecting you, not so much the hours you spend on it, but how that is affecting you and your mental health, for sure.
[00:11:25] MB: Oh, yeah. No, if you’re constantly feeling like you need to keep up with who, whatever that you’re like filtering – here’s the thing, I agree that if there’s any feed that are giving you this feeling like you need to create this life that isn’t yours, or fake it or up your game so to speak, then maybe don’t follow them anymore. Surround the people that you follow with things that inspire you, and uplift you, but things aren’t going to like drag you down and make you feel – you know what I mean?
[00:11:56] KC: Yeah. You need to really look at the list of people that you’re following and figure out whether they make you feel good after you’ve closed the app or worse. If they’re making you feel worse, then I would say, the first step would be to purposely look. You can search by hashtag, search by keyword whatever and look for things that are positive that you can follow. Maybe these accounts are positive, but for you, they leave a negative –
[00:12:22] MB: They [inaudible 00:12:22] not good.
[00:12:24] KC: Right, because you do too much comparison or you have this fear of missing out or whatever it is. You can follow all kind of really great uplifting accounts, and if there’s things that you’re working on within yourself, there are a lot of accounts that are motivational that – whether it’s anything from fitness, to mental health, to career.
There’s always, in every platform, there are people who specialize in that and they give tips and tricks and they are really a motivational to their followers and they give you a sense of accountability also. That’s great. I mean, if you want to re-curate your feed to have it be something that is positive for you, I would highly recommend doing that.
[00:13:02] MB: Do you ever take like a full day break from all social media?
[00:13:07] KC: Mm-hmm, I do. I do, but this is a relatively new thing for me. Because, I mean, when our site was a personal blog for me, I couldn’t do that. It was my job, yeah. That took all – for me, I’m not on social media that much anymore, because having that period of time where I was a “influencer” and that was my personal blog. Took a lot of the joy out of social media for me and where it felt more like a chore. “Oh! I have to post this. I have to post three times a day.”
The pressure to create content on a regular basis, the pressure to show my life as something exciting and super fun. I would get lost in the moment creating a curated image and I would miss the whole – what was supposed to be fun about it. I mean, I would spend the whole picnic trying to lay it out perfectly.
[00:13:58] MB: Trying to get the perfect shot, the perfect flat lay.
[00:14:01] KC: And trying to half climb up a tree to get the overhead shot, and I would – I mean, the picnic by the time I would be ready to enjoy it would be gross.
[00:14:09] MB: I get it. I am currently in whatever it is, an influencer. I still do it, but I made a decision in 2021 that I was going to just post the things that brought me joy and not worry about some curated layout, because all the things you said. I don’t even need to repeat them. That’s exactly how I felt. I was noticing that it was like, I was creating beautiful moments in life, but only for the sake of “the gram,” so to speak. You know what I mean? It was like a beautiful picnic, and my kids were there and everything was perfect, but it was like only for work, and I wasn’t actually there and I was super focused on making sure they were looking the right way and the sun – it was just –
[00:14:44] KC: Yeah. We travel a lot and trying to make sure I plan a photoshoot for every vacation. Sometimes my family members don’t feel like being in a photoshoot. They’re enjoying their vacation and I’m with a photographer trying to get just the right shot. That’s not what I wanted to have a [inaudible 00:15:07].
[00:15:07] MB: It can be fun. It can be too late, because it’s fun sometimes, but when you’re doing it and it feels like work all the time, then you have to take a step back and go, “Is this really, truly bringing me joy?” Because also, not like, we’re not all unique and we don’t bring something unique to the game. Do you know how saturated these social media platforms are with people, just like me, just like you’re doing this thing. Then I’m like, “What is my end goal here? To be like a billionaire doing this? Because literally, my kids are growing up faster than I can imagine and I’m missing that trying to get the perfect shot.” It’s like, I do it sporadically when it makes me – because it brings me joy and it’s my creative outlet. But when it started to become all I did for just work, then it was – I had no choice but to take like a reflective self and take a break from that.
Taking that break made me realized like, “Oh, no! I enjoy real life a little bit more.” That break turned into like just a shift in priority. Sometimes, a small break can make you really reflect on, is this truly what’s bringing me joy? That’s great.
[00:16:12] KC: Yeah. For me, it was two things that caused me to not want to do it anymore. The first one was the pressure of constantly needing to create content. It was really interfering with my day-to-day life. The second was, I was becoming kind of obsessive over the response that post were getting. I would work –
[00:16:31] MB: Needed that validation.
[00:16:32] KC: Yeah. I would work really hard on doing this photoshoot, having the stylist plan the outfit, having the photographer do the professional photographer. It’s time, it’s money, it’s effort. Then I would post the – I would be so proud of the end result and I would post the picture. Sometimes they would do amazing, and then sometimes they would not perform. My like count was affecting my happiness day-to-day. If I was getting a ton of likes, I was super pumped that day and I couldn’t wait to do another photoshoot. If my photo got hardly any likes, I was like, “Why am I doing this?” That’s when it started – I started to realize that it was becoming kind of detrimental to my mental health to continue.
[00:17:09] MB: Did you find the pan – I don’t know if you stopped before, but did you find the pandemic kind of a halt too? Because I know a lot of people that do this influencer thing, they just kind of had to slow down because you couldn’t go out in public and take pictures so easily and meet with photographers and not have to wear mask in public. You know what I mean?
[00:17:27] KC: Yeah. Well, that’s definitely true. Even for our site now, it’s no longer a personal blog. Obviously, you guys now it’s a digital lifestyle magazine, but I was still shooting a lot of original content for our articles when the pandemic started and I wasn’t able to do that. So that, yeah, it did definitely affect things.
[00:17:44] MB: I think it made everyone take a bit of a social media break in their own way, but like, whether you couldn’t do your normal thing like I say, we follow wonderful people that do this that are out and about and doing all these wonderful things. You had to kind of stay homeward. They still found ways to be creative or they just took a halt.
[00:18:02] KC: Yeah. I mean, a lot of my personal social media is like events and things that I’m going to. I don’t post them in replacement of being present, I post them usually because I’m at an event where a brand is throwing it or one of my other influencer friends are throwing it. I want to support them and part of that support is by posting about it on social media. But those events all obviously completely stopped, so the ability to create that kind of content definitely went down. I’m not a good photographer for myself.
[00:18:33] MB: Right. Iphonegrapher [inaudible 00:18:34] strong and the tripod. That’s what I [inaudible 00:18:37] and it’s fine. But I’ll prefer a good professional photographer over my iPhone and tripod though.
[00:18:42] KC: Yeah. I just think that social media can be very, very destructive if you’re not careful. No matter your age. You don’t have to be –
[00:18:50] MB: Yeah. It doesn’t matter how old you are. If you will feel like that girl in middle school, comparing yourself to the coolest girl in class. you know what I mean? It brings up sometimes our insecurities if we’re not careful.
[00:19:00] KC: You don’t have to be an influencer to feel what I was expressing about the highs and lows of your like count and your engagement. You don’t have to, because you can be just a normal person and really get wrapped up in how many people comment and like on what you post.
[00:19:15] MB: You can look at other people and get really obsessed with, “Well, why do they have this many and I’m not –” Like, “How long – what did they do to get there?” That was what I was going to ask you. I’ve noticed at Instagram, maybe not in everyone’s account, but they’ve started to hide the amount of likes. They say, somebody like it and others, like you can’t see how many actual likes that somebody has. Do you think that’s good or do you think that’s not good?
[00:19:39] KC: I actually think it’s really good. It’s something that we’ve been doing on the Monet feed. I think it’s good because it takes that pressure off and it allows you to post the content that you’re most excited about and not the content geared towards the algorithm and getting as many likes as possible. Because there’s a lot of really great creators out there, and there’s a lot of people who have a voice and have something to say.
I know, for us, sometimes the articles that we feel are going to be the most influential and have meaning to even a small segment of our leadership, have a really true deep meaning, it may not be the articles we know will perform well. It takes that pressure off for us to be able to share the content that we think has the most value, not the content we think is going to perform in the algorithm the best.
[00:20:23] MB: I think that now we’re shifting our social media usage into like a world of TikTok. I don’t know about you, but creating one TikTok video like took me six hours and I hate it. I hate the – some people are so incredible and they do a TikTok every five minutes , or a Reel or whatever and the transitions are amazing. Now like, not only are we comparing, like some people are taking half their day to create some 15-second video that they’re hoping doesn’t flop. It’s like, man, social media is bizarre now.
[00:20:55] KC: Yeah, it really is. It’s really manufactured at this point. There’s so much competition for sponsorships, competition for coverage, and everybody wants to go viral. It’s become kind of sad to me, because a lot of – I like following people who I just think are cool, and are funny, or maybe their feed is uplifting to me, whatever it is.
[00:21:19] MB: Because when you have 15 minutes and you just kind of want to decompress a little bit, that’s your usage for it, so you want to be – I want to be entertained. You don’t want to waste it with someone’s silly dance move. You want to see some cute dog videos. You know what I mean?
[00:21:33] KC: Right. Yeah. I think my TikTok For You page is mostly animals at this point.
[00:21:37] MB: There it is.
[00:21:39] KC: To me, when I see someone who has a super orchestrated TikTok, I might appreciate the art of it, but I also – it feels to me less authentic, more manufactured. I prefer a more authentic, even if it’s just a person in their car talking to the camera. I prefer that kind of a connection that I get than like a whole group of people dancing in sync. I mean, that takes a lot of work and I’m by it, but I like the authentic person-to-person contact.
[00:22:08] MB: A thousand percent. Is there such a thing as having too many social media platforms? Because you can have like eight now. You can have like Facebook, Twitter, TikTok –
[00:22:16] KC: Yeah. I’m on Clubhouse. I joined it when I first started.
[00:22:18] MB: Are you?
[00:22:18] KC: Yeah, but I –
[00:22:20] MB: That’s another one, see. Oh my God!
[00:22:21] KC: I literally have not listened to a single – I mean, I haven’t logged in to a single group and listened, partly because I’m always doing something else. For me, I’m a visual person, so audio distracts me really bad. I can’t be listening to a podcast, or Clubhouse, or a book on tape or anything while I’m reading or typing. It very much distracts me.
Clubhouse is one of those things that I understand the concept of it. I don’t think it’s really cool, but because I’m busy all day and I’m juggling a lot of different work stuff, it’s just not practical for me to be on there. Then I mean, you’re also interacting, so you’re also speaking. It just seems – unless you’re – I guess if you’re sitting at your desk and it’s something that isn’t distracting to you, it would be great, but it’s too distracting to me. I’m sure, my family would think I was crazy if I had my airpods in and every five minutes was just saying, “Uh-huh. Yeah. I agree.”
[00:23:16] MB: Yeah. I know there’s a lot of – that’s the thing. There are some people that do this for an actual job, influencers that make really great money doing what they do. But I have a feeling because I’ve noticed the dynamic of their family, because sometimes these are like mom bloggers or whatever them talking about for example.
[00:23:30] KC: Yeah.
[00:23:31] MB: There seems to be a mutual understanding and everyone in the family that, “Hey! Mom is working right now.” That money rewards them. They see social media in a different way, just like, if you were to go to Disneyland, you probably experience it different than the person who’s working there because they’re at work.
[00:23:50] KC: I have friends who are influencers and their social media feed and blog or whatever is the breadwinner for the family, so everyone is on board.
[00:23:59] MB: Do they take breaks though?
[00:24:00] KC: Not that I can see, but I do know – I know one of them who’s very, very successful. She does lump her content creation.
[00:24:07] MB: Yeah, she batch works, so if she goes somewhere –
[00:24:09] KC: Right.
[00:24:10] MB: [Inaudible 00:24:10] and be present, yes.
[00:24:12] KC: She doesn’t have to – her kids are in her pictures and so is her husband. It’s a family thing. First of all, your kids will only cooperate for so long.
[00:24:23] MB: Oh my gosh! Whether you have 2,000 followers or 20 million followers, kids are kids and they are going to act [inaudible 00:24:31] no matter who you are.
[00:24:33] KC: And they’re also going to get to an age where they’re like, “Mom, I don’t want to do this anymore.”
[00:24:36] MB: Very true.
[00:24:37] KC: So yeah. But she like lumps her content creation. I think she content creates like one day a week and then she spreads it out. She’s very organized and very planned and she’s very, very successful. I mean, her husband has a more supportive role in their family and manages their investments and stuff. But neither one of them have to work outside of the home because of her following.
[00:24:59] MB: That’s great, but no, that is a very small percentage of them out there. If that’s something you want to go for, a thousand percent go for it. But if it’s just something that’s causing you to like lose yourself in the process, and alienate yourself from the ones you love and you’re losing that end goal as you’re driving for it. It’s okay. You know what I mean?
[00:25:19] KC: Yeah.
[00:25:19] MB: You need to take a break. You need to self-evaluate how you’re handling and using social media, and why you’re using it and what – you know what I mean? You’ve got to really know why you’re on there. If you’re just mindlessly going because it was a coping mechanism and now it’s just a bad habit, then that’s when you need to evaluate. We kind of all know, like we all get a weekly reminder on our phone. I don’t know about you, but I do. It says, “Weekly screen time.” If it’s crazy amount, maybe self-reflect. It’s true. I just think it’s good for all of us. I take one.
Sundays are my family days and it used to be the one day that Dan had off, so that was just an – I do social media for work and then I also do it for – as like a content creator, influencer. I’m on there way too much anyway and I involve my family sometimes. I try to make it, like Sundays, I don’t bring out my phone, I don’t play on my phone, unless it’s a work-related thing. I don’t do it for personal thing, like I’m not going to make them take pictures. Because, I would rather be at the beach and hang out with my kids than have how many ever strangers know I’m at the beach at that time.
Cool, it might benefit someone to know, “Oh! I’m a great mom.” But my kids at that moment might not think I’m a great mom. I’m going to be just be present because they’re going to remember because I’m on my phone so much for work anyway. They’re going to remember that mom didn’t take her phone out. That’s the memory they’re going to take, because our kids are watching us. Not only are they going to be a little bummed out that we’re choosing our phones sometimes over them. But they’re going to think that a phone is super important too and they’re going to pick up those addictive habits too.
[00:26:56] KC: Yeah. We’re examples for our kids for sure.
[00:26:57] MB: We’re examples. I try and take one day off. I try and put my phone away. If I’m playing with my kids, I don’t even take the phone in the room, so I don’t feel the need to like want to get on my phone. Those are small steps I take, so that I – I still struggle with the waking up and not checking my phone immediately. But if I’m being honest, it worked sometimes, like I do that because I’m really, really good in like right early in the morning. Like right when I wake up, my brain is inspired and the kids wake up kind of early. That’s just like my solid time to get to work, so I screen time pretty early. But I am trying to find ways to take breaks because I noticed that there’s just been a really tough battle with not comparing, but just being on it too much.
We all been stuck at home as we’ve all been bored, and we’ve all baked sourdough bread, and made TikTok videos that we never thought we’d make. Now, we have to like shut that down a little bit and go and live life again. Because I feel like the pandemic did not help anybody’s social media addiction.
[00:27:59] KC: No, not at all. We were all on every streaming platform and social media platform most of the day.
[00:28:07] MB: Most of the day. I was so bored in the house bored. Now, we can – I mean, it’s definitely not 1000 percent better, but we can go out bit more and enjoy life a bit more and I still feel like we might have a bit of that lingering social media addiction.
[00:28:22] KC: Yeah, for sure. I think we can all tell when we need to take a break, at least hopefully what we shared with you will help you figure out if you need to take a break. But how? How do you take a break? I think, the first thing, the most extreme if you really have a hard time setting aside social media time for yourself, like you do with your kids, the screen time. If you can’t do that for yourself, you can delete the apps altogether for a period of time. It is extreme.
[00:28:51] MB: It’s also easy to re-download. I was thinking you were going to go with like those crazy cell phone lockers, where you can’t –
[00:28:58] KC: Oh, no.
[00:28:58] MB: That’s extreme, because they won’t open for a certain amount of time.
[00:29:02] KC: Okay.
[00:29:03] MB: Like you can put your phone in there and then they won’t open for like three hours or something.
[00:29:07] KC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. People put them on the dining room table when it’s dinner time and everyone has to put their phone in it. Yeah.
[00:29:13] MB: Like sometimes that – because I’ve deleted apps, because I’m like, “I’m going to take a month off Instagram,” thinking I’m all great. Then like seven days later, that sucker shows back up. You know what I mean?
[00:29:23] KC: Yeah.
[00:29:24] MB: If you can go more extreme and straight up lock your stuff away. If you have a really hard problem like picking it up, or like – but that’s a good one too. If you don’t physically see it, it’s kind of a pain in the butt to go re-download it, type your password. When you know the purpose of deleting it in the first place was to like stay away, it’s like reaching for the thing you’re addicted to. That’s a good step. Extreme, but can be necessary.
[00:29:49] KC: If you think that you’re picking up your phone and opening it by reflex, you can move it around on your home screen so you have to actually look for it or you can hide it from your home screen. Putting it in a folder or something like that. Sometimes we have those buttons like front and center on our homepage on our home page, on our phone. That just becomes habit. The first thing you do is click that and open it up.
[00:30:12] MB: When you’re used to what the app logo looks like and you’re not even really looking for the name, we just see the logo and click on the logo. So yeah, make it hard to find.
[00:30:20] KC: Yeah, out of sight, out of mind sometimes. I mean, I would recommend to everyone that they plug their phone in, not right next to their bed and not – even not in the same room if that’s possible. That’s not possible for me. I have children who don’t live at home and I need to be reachable, but I have taken to wearing my Apple watch and then plugging my phone in away, because the watch will – I mean, not super far away, it has to attach still to my watch. But if my phone is ringing, my watch will alert me or if I have a text message, but it’s not right there on the night stand where I can pick it up and scroll when I should be sleeping or first thing in the morning, those kind of hot button times. That does help, but yeah, for me, I don’t want to miss the middle of night phone call from a kid who’s having –
[00:31:07] MB: No. I would hate that. Or if you have somebody who’s older and you have to check in on them, like – because a lot of people need to be reachable.
[00:31:15] KC: Right. I wear my Apple watch. I wear it as I sleep. I started doing that because it was tracking my sleep. I was using an app that tracked it through my Apple watch. I don’t do that anymore. I have a different kind of sleep tracker, but I still wear it at night because I might not always hear my phone when it rings at night, but I will feel the watch vibrating on my wrist and that wakes me. I mean, thankfully, it doesn’t ring very often late at night. If it does, I usually know it’s an emergency.
[00:31:41] MB: I mean, we know how life works, especially your wacky life sometimes. It’s the one time that it’s not in the room, it’s the one time that there’s something wacky going on.
[00:31:48] KC: Exactly.
[00:31:49] MB: You know your life, and you know – you got to know what you’re capable of, but that just means that you just need to be a little bit more of like a mental ninja about it. Like you have to remind yourself that it’s not good to – I know when I’m picking up in the morning I’m doing something bad. I have to reach over the book to get to my phone or I know that if I just get up and get a cup of coffee, and walk around and listen to the birds, that’s going to be a 1000 percent better than grabbing my phone and staring at a screen without blue blocker glasses and ruining my day.
I know, we all know, but sometimes, if you are not able to just be mature about it, then put it in another room. If you have no choice, then you just have fight through those urges, because you know that it’s going to get better. Set boundaries. Boundaries are always good.
[00:32:35] KC: Yeah. Setting boundaries is always good. That’s the tip that works for me. I plug my phone in where it’s not just where I can reach for it, but where I’m still alerted. I have had those middle of the night emergency phone calls. I know how serious they are and how I need to be available.
One thing I did not know and the author of our article on this topic, opened my mind, blew my mind on this because I don’t know how I didn’t know this. You can set time limits for your apps on your iPhone. Apparently if you go –
[00:33:04] MB: Really?
[00:33:05] KC: Yeah. If you have an iPhone, if you go to settings and then screen time. You can select either down time or app limits. With down time, you choose certain apps to go on between certain hours, so you can set your time say on Facebook between 12:00 PM and 5:00 PM. You can do whatever you want and the others are off limits. With app limits, you can allot a certain time limit for each app and, when that time limit runs out, the app will be inaccessible. That is kind of like that cellphone locker thing that you were talking about, but it’s within your – every iPhone user has that. I can imagine it would be very frustrating if you had a real time social media addiction, but you might have to be that extreme.
[00:33:46] MB: But come on, like if you really – the word addiction, to be fair, is extreme for a reason. Like if anything, you shouldn’t be like trying to give yourself a way out. Like, “Argh! If I don’t want to –” Well, maybe the fact that you don’t want to so bad is a sign that you should. You know what I mean?
[00:34:04] KC: Right. I mean, this is the – there have been studies that said, between 5 percent and 10 percent of Americans meet the criteria for addiction in regards to social media.
[00:34:14] MB: If Instagram broke for like two days, I wonder how many people would –
[00:34:18] KC: Lose their minds,
[00:34:19] MB: You know what I mean?
[00:34:21] KC: I mean opening up social media – yeah. They’ve said –
[00:34:25] MB: Other people would lose their identity.
[00:34:28] KC: Yeah. Opening up social media for many people creates that dopamine that you get with any other addictive substance. If you aren’t sure if this is really a problem for you, I recommend maybe using those app limits. If you realize that you’re going actually crazy because the app is inaccessible for you between those hours, then you might have a much bigger issue. That’s a probably good way to test it out.
[00:34:51] MB: [Crosstalk 00:34:50] of going cold turkey and just deleting the app and seeing how long it takes you to bring it back, just to see where your level of addictiveness is. Because man, I get it, it’s like – but this is why no one reads anymore, because it’s so much easier to just sit on the couch and watch TikTok for what feels like an hour for people. They don’t even know where time went or like how – what happened, they missed dinner because –
[00:35:17] KC: Yeah, I do that. I read a lot, but sometimes I’m like, “You know what? Before I get back to my book, I’m going to open TikTok and just watch like three or four videos.” I don’t watch three or four vides, I watch like an hour.
[00:35:26] MB: It’s crazy, right? [Inaudible 00:35:27] and they don’t know what they’re doing when they’re doing it. It’s smart. It’s smart on TikTok’s part, but we also have to check ourselves, because with something so easily accessible, with everything in life, moderation is key. Social media is not off limits when it comes to that. I believe that it definitely starts – like if they have them, it starts monitoring the time and the amount, like that’s cool that you can change the app time. If you have a kid, you can make sure – hopefully they don’t adjust it, but you can make sure that they only use it for that time. But also, we’re mirrors. If we’re always on our phone no matter – we’re influencing that generation to also see what is valuable too.
[00:36:10] KC: Yeah. If you have kids still at home, I mean, it seems like it would be obvious, but I’m going to say this, you really should, at minimum, set the rule that there are no cellphones at the dinner table and that time is just to talk as a family. It’s the least we can do. Like to spend that one hour talking about our days –
[00:36:28] MB: You’re going to have some angry teenagers, but you know what, it’s okay.
[00:36:32] KC: Yeah. If you’re willing to do it, then they should be willing to do it. It’s one hour out of your day. If they can’t be without their phone for even one hour, then there are probably more serious issues going on. One of the easiest things we can do if social media is just kind of a distraction to us but we’re not in the full-blown addiction mode is to just turn off our notifications for all of our social media. Notifications that pop up on your phone and tell you you have a new message, someone commented on a post.
That can be very distracting, especially if you work and you are like logged – if you are clocked into work and you’re getting all these notifications popping up on your desktop or your iPhone. It can be way too tempting to check. Definitely turns off those notifications. I think everyone should do that. I turn off notifications –
[00:37:20] MB: I don’t have any open, really, unless it’s work related. I don’t have any social media ones, because I feel like that would drive me nuts.
[00:37:25] KC: Yeah. I turn off notifications on almost everything, because I find them to be very distracting.
[00:37:29] MB: Yeah. Because if your phone lights up, you think it’s a text message or a phone call. You, as a mom, are going to check that and if you’re like, “Oh! Cool! So and so posted on Instagram. This is why I stopped my life for two second?” There’s another trending thing going on on social media that I think is in line with the social media break and embracing more of like a being present lifestyle. I’ve noticed the people – and I’ve used it, but I feel kind of like, am I too old to be using it. This idea of like a photo dump. Meaning like, “Hey! I haven’t been on all day. This is what I did all day.” It’s just like a scroll of everything they did that week, that month, that day.
[00:38:05] KC: I see that a lot when people take vacations and they don’t post while they’re on vacation and they just enjoy their vacation. Then when they get back, they do Hawaii phot dump or whatever.
[00:38:14] MB: I do it because other people did it. I’m like, “Oh cool! I can be present and not have to post in the moment and like be relatively cool.” I feel like the more people do that, the more people can go on vacation and actually be on vacation and not feel like they have to post everything they do on vacation. They can just photo dump. I still enjoy that. I think it’s so cool, because it’s just snapshots of their trip. To be fair, that’s all, at the very most, I deserve. I’m not a member of that person’s family, why do I feel like I have a right to every second of their life. You know what I mean?
Maybe just 10 snapshots of the week or the month. I’ve seen people literally be like, “July photo dump.” I was not here for July. I’m like, that’s cool to me. I think that’s great, because it encourages people to just, first of all, not be so perfectionist like with the pictures and the algorithm. Most of those things don’t make any sense, it’s just real life and I think that’s great. But I also think it encourages people to just like be present in the moment and just get to it when you want. It’s cool. I’ve noticed that and I’ve noticed because of that, it caused a different way of how people have been treating their social media.
[00:39:21] KC: Yeah. I love that idea. I’ve had followers of mine tell me that they really loved how many pictures and videos I shared of my vacation because they felt like they were on the vacation with me. I did a hotel room tour, and I took pictures of every single meal we had, and I did all the – but then I asked myself after, did my husband feel like I was on that vacation with him? Because I would literally tell him, “I need you to leave the room so I can do a hotel room tour.”
[00:39:45] MB: I do that –
[00:39:45] KC: Like, “ Get out for a little while.”
[00:39:45] MB: I do that when I’m getting posted by like the hotel.
[00:39:48] KC: Yes, of course.
[00:39:50] MB: If I’m not working, my husband knows that we got that hotel room for free or I work on behalf of the hotel.
[00:39:55] KC: Of course.
[00:39:56] MB: But yeah. You get almost that addiction from that comment of like, “Oh! I felt like I was there.” I’m like, “Oh! Well, now I’ll do it.” It’s like, “Who are you?” I get that a lot when I go to Disneyland. People like, want me to post the entirety of my day there before the pandemic and I felt obligated to, because there’s people all around the United States that can’t ever access the park. To them, that’s the closest they’re going to get to that experience. But then I went – I don’t work for Disney, I’m not getting paid, and my kids are being ignored, so why am I doing this?
[00:40:29] KC: Yeah, of course.
[00:40:30] MB: I want to be that person, but there are other outlets for that. I don’t feel necessarily obligated to do that anymore. I would get like, “Oh! Does my husband feel like I was there?” feeling too. Because I’m like, “Can you move? You’re in my shot.” He’s like, “I’m on vacation. What do you mean move?” Or my kids, I’d be like, “Can you play slower so the camera doesn’t get the blur?” They’re like, “What are you talking – ” You just kind of like hear yourself sometimes and go, “What am I saying?”
[00:40:58] KC: Exactly. Being present in the moment is something that is harder and harder to do in the world that we live in today and we have to be really proactive about doing it. We’re all distracted all the time. There are screens at the grocery store check out. There are screens at the gas station. There are screens everywhere to distract us from the life that we’re living. I understand why they’re there, but it’s really important that we take time to be unplugged from all of that and just reconnect, whether we’re taking a walk in nature. I’m bad at this too, like I’m not saying I’m good at this. When I walk my dogs in the morning and I’m out in the most beautiful trails by my house, I’m half the time I’m scrolling my phone while I’m walking them. I need to do the same.
We all need to work on being present in the life that we’re living and just reconnecting with ourselves, with nature, with our families. Not always feeling like we need the TV on in the background, be scrolling our phone, have our airpods. Like we need to disconnect, we all do. It’s not good that we are just – we’re going to be like Wall-E. Tthat’s where we’re headed.
[00:42:11] MB: Yeah, with the TV in front all the time.
[00:42:13] KC: Yes.
[00:42:14] MB: Yeah, it’s really –
[00:42:16] KC: Or like, Ready Player One where they all live in like an alternate universe, when that’s their real life.
[00:42:20] MB: Although super cool though.
[00:42:21] KC: It’s super cool, but like that’s their real life now. Not their actual life. It’s getting a little too Matrixy for me. I know for myself, I really do. I need to work on unplugging a little bit more, because I miss a lot. I know I miss a lot.
[00:42:38] MB: Yeah, I do too. I think it all stems from one thing and that’s comparison. I think we all feel like – well, my friend so and so did a hotel room tour, so I need to, for whatever reason. Like we just feel like we need to just keep up with the next person and it’s like, “No, it’s fine.” It’s just gotten so weird.
[00:42:59] KC: Well, teaching our brains that we don’t need to be entertained every second of the day, that’s something that – I mean, when I was a kid, we didn’t have any of this. I used my imagination.
[00:43:09] MB: When I was a kid, I didn’t matter. I don’t feel like I am older. I am old, but like to my kids I’m old, but I told them, I’m like, “Dude,” [inaudible 00:43:16] so much during summer. [inaudible 00:43:18] screen to rely on at all. Actually, we had a computer, but it was like 30 minutes, it was monitored and like, that was the highlight of my day.
[00:43:26] KC: No. I mean, half my summer, I spent at my grandmother’s house. She didn’t even have cable. Unless I wanted to watch The Price is Right, there was nothing to do on the TV. She’d hand me like a stick and be like, “Here, it’s a magic wand, and it’s a sword and it’s whatever.” I now have to go outside and pretend. Pretend it was my whole childhood. I know now that I can tell, because even when my husband and I are watching a movie in the theater room together at night, there is a movie on the screen, we’re both on our phones scrolling.
[00:43:53] MB: Yeah, it’s crazy, right?
[00:43:54] KC: Yeah. Or we’re laying in bed next to each other at night. I’m next to the person I love most in the world and I’m scrolling my phone and he’s scrolling his phone. We are not looking at the same thing or interacting with each other at all. I mean, we really need to –
[00:44:08] MB: You’re aware though. I feel like once you’re awake to this, then the world starts to change. But if you’re just doing it out of habit or out of an escape from whatever you’re feeling or going through, sometimes it’s easier just to tune out than it is to be present.
[00:44:25] KC: Yeah. Okay. My husband, Alex, he has pretty significant anxiety. I think it’s probably ADD. He has never been diagnosed with that, but his mind races all the time. It never shuts off. I taught him how to play Freestyle on his phone and a couple of other games. I started with Freestyle. Now, he’s got like three games on his phone. That was only five years ago, maybe. But when he’s playing that game, his brain shuts off a little bit, like it dims, because he’s focused on the game. He will play it when he’s feeling overstimulated and needs to decompress, so I totally get it.
I know when I see him playing that game, like he either just had a really difficult phone call or he’s overstimulated for whatever reason and he’s decompressing and that’s fine. I do see there’s a value in that kind of a thing. I totally get that, but I also get that –
[00:45:14] MB: But is he constantly checking everyone’s feed all day?
[00:45:17] KC: No, no. Not at all.
[00:45:18] MB: Like he has an ability to not – he can shut it off because that’s – you know what I mean? Like he can put it away and be present?
[00:45:30] KC: Right. That’s important. I feel like we’re all getting used to having some form of entertainment in front of us basically 24/7. It feels really quiet when we don’t have it. I mean, if I’m in the tub, I’m usually on my phone.
[00:45:44] MB: Yeah. I feel like we’re all afraid to be alone with ourselves, or afraid to be – we all don’t know what bored is anymore, because we can just be instantly entertained.
[00:45:54] KC: Yeah.
[00:45:54] MB: I’ve been alone with my thoughts often, but I’m alone with like just the TikTok discover scroll like often. You know what I mean? Like I need to just not have my – you’re right. Like, why do I need my phone in my bath? Okay. Well, sometimes it’s hard because it’s like, “I have young kids and that’s my only time to like really do that.” But also, I don’t need it. Also, I don’t need it. I can also just sit there and relax and enjoy and be present in that moment.
[00:46:17] KC: How I know is a problem is when I have more than one screen on me at the same time.
[00:46:24] MB: Yeah.
[00:46:24] KC: There is no reason why I need to have my phone scrolling while I’m watching a movie. That makes –
[00:46:28] MB: Oh, I do that too though.
[00:46:29] KC: Zero sense.
[00:46:29] MB: I don’t know what it’s about. I’m like, “What am I –” then are you really focusing on anything at that point, because there’s two things going on at once, so are you really focusing on one? Because I have it too in the background, where like I’ll have like a silly show on while I’m like having another screen. Why? It’s crazy. That’s maybe a self-reflection moment where you’re like, “How many screens does your one head need?”
[00:46:53] KC: Right. What are we distracting ourselves from? What are we hiding from? I know like a lot of people use their screen time to kind of give distance to maybe difficult relationships, maybe stressful situations.
[00:47:06] MB: [Inaudible 00:47:06] or something going on in their life.
[00:47:10] KC: Right. That, I understand why that might be necessary or decompressing when you’re overstimulated, things like that. I get it. But for the rest of us who aren’t dealing with that, and we are distancing ourselves from family and relationships that are positive and that we enjoy. Why are we doing that? We need to ask ourselves that.
Why are we afraid to be alone with our thoughts? We need that time. We need thinking time. Everybody does. If we’re avoiding it, it’s hard for personal growth, it’s hard to be innovative, it’s hard to be creative, it’s hard to do any of that when all we’re doing is watching other people’s life go by on a tiny screen.
[00:47:44] MB: Yeah. I think the pandemic showed us that the world can change in the matter of an instant. Let’s just say for fun purposes, your phone breaks and shatters and you can’t use it all day. Are you going to be literally crippled by that, because you can’t do the one thing that – if the thought of you not having your phone for a whole day makes you – makes those feelings come up, that’s the time to check yourself.
[00:48:06] KC: Yeah. Have you ever left the house and then realized when you got where you are headed that you forgot your phone?
[00:48:14] MB: And you’re not like – if you’re a mom, not like only moms get out of this, but sometimes you need to be –
[00:48:20] KC: Yeah, but no. You can have your kids with you, like just the idea that your phone is not –
[00:48:25] MB: Yet you need your phone. Yes.
[00:48:26] KC: You thought your phone was in your purse, it’s not in your purse and you realized you left it. The absolute panic that comes over you when – I mean, I went on vacation. It was Thanksgiving. I was getting the Uber driver situated to our house on my phone and all my kids – everyone who I cared about and needed to hear from was in the car with me. We’re on our way to the airport and I realized, I got out of the car and I went to like rate my trip and tip him and whatever. I realized that my phone, I had set it on the kitchen counter and didn’t take it. I am now in the airport and no time obviously to turn around, no phone. Of course, I had our boarding passes electronically on my phone.
[00:49:12] MB: That’s the thing. Our phone can do so much that we almost – it’s like chopping off leg or an arm. Somewhat important arm.
[00:49:18] KC: Yeah. That was the first. That happened to me again. I brought my phone that time, but I was in the airport and I had to use the restroom and my phone fell in the toilet.
[00:49:28] MB: You have the crazy – okay. No one listen to this and go, “This is real.” Because this is just your reality. These things happen, but no one else has these issues.
[00:49:38] KC: No. These were two vacations that I took where I did not have my phone with me.
[00:49:43] MB: What did you do?
[00:49:44] KC: Well, the Thanksgiving vacation where I left it on the counter, I ended up going to the local – I was at Sprint customer at the time. I ended up going to local Sprint store and getting one of those little cheap flip phones so that I could be reachable, but it wasn’t a smartphone.
[00:49:57] MB: Yeah. You’re not taking an iPhone quality phone.
[00:50:00] KC: No. I paid like $30 for it or something. I have them temporarily hook my number up to it, so I was reachable for work and stuff, but it wasn’t a smartphone, I couldn’t do any of the things I normally would do. It was an interesting week.
[00:50:13] MB: How did that go? When you don’t have abilities to do something, you’re forced to accept that reality. Sometimes, you’re opened up to an experience you never thought you would because this –
[00:50:25] KC: I had to ask myself, do I want to spend hundreds of dollars on a temporary phone just so I can look at my Facebook? No. That’s a problem.
[00:50:34] MB: Yeah. You had to make that decision of like, “Is this worth a possible $500 to $800 –
[00:50:40] KC: No, it wasn’t.
[00:50:43] MB: To some people, yes.
[00:50:44] KC: Some people, yes, yeah.
[00:50:46] MB: Completely yes. I need to take my vacation photos. No.
[00:50:50] KC: The side note to that is always also print out your boarding passes and your reservations with paper. Now, I have a file in my bag always that has the printouts for all my reservations. Because that electronic stuff, I was relying on it too much and then two times –
[00:51:05] MB: You should got out of the car, the Uber and then your phone could have smashed.
[00:51:08] KC: Yes. Or I mean, it fell in the toilet and I could not access any –
[00:51:13] MB: You need to have, take it from you Kelly. You need to have like that ability to go, “This could go away in a matter of an instant. How am I going to handle that?” Because if your first reaction is panic, like yeah, let’s be fair, all of your first reaction for the pandemic was panic and like terror. Like, “Wait! What? I have to be inside.” Like that was a big shock, but like, we all made it out, we’ll say.
[00:51:34] KC: Well, relatively unscathed.
[00:51:36] MB: We’ll say we made it out. We’re not fully out yet, but like we realize that we could withstand a lot more than we thought we could, because we’ve just never been put in that position before, right?
[00:51:47] KC: Right.
[00:51:48] MB: You don’t need to smash your phone on the ground to know the pain of it, but think about it. Just really truly ask yourself, if I were to not have my phone with me for a full day, week, whatever, how would I handle that? Or if you don’t really know, put it – have somebody put it somewhere, where it’s a day where you really don’t need to be reached but it’s more just for fun. If you don’t need to be reached but you just are addicted, put it away for a day and see, just see how your body reacts.
[00:52:13] KC: I would recommend, honestly, if this is something that you know if you put it away, you’re going to reach for it. Make a pact with your partner and switch phones with them, and tell them, “Don’t give me my phone back for the whole entire day no matter what I say.”
[00:52:24] MB: It’s so tough.
[00:52:25] KC: Yeah. If there’s an emergency and a call comes in, a text come in, a 911 or something, yeah, you’re going to have your partner’s phone. You can tell them. But no checking anything, I mean, just for the day.
[00:52:36] MB: I mean, you can go old school, like where I currently live, there’s a house phone. I don’t know if anyone currently has this anymore. But you can be like, “In an emergency, I’m not available on my cell today. Call me at this number.” For the people who you need to be in touch with. If it comes with a house phone, it’s probably an emergency.
[00:52:51] KC: Yeah. That’s what I did on that other vacation where the phone got water damage. I texted all my kids from my partner’s phone and said, “My phone is dead. If you need me, call this number. Call Alex.”
[00:53:02] MB: Yeah. I’ve done that, “Call Dan.” You know that Dan can reach you and he knows that you don’t have your phone so you’re not panicking. But you don’t need to check your Facebook all day, like you don’t. You don’t need to check your Facebook for a month or Instagram. We just feel like, “Oh! Well, I need my phone so I get a hold of so and so. But while I have my phone, let me just scroll.” Like it’s almost like a copout of like, “Well, I need to be reachable, so I can’t just put my phone away.” Okay. Well, that’s not helping. Let’s find a way around that.
[00:53:32] KC: I think the only social media that I probably would not take a break from or delete is Snapchat. For me, that’s because I only use Snapchat to communicate with my kids. I don’t Snap any other people. I don’t even have any other people on Snapchat.
[00:53:45] MB: Snapchat, I don’t know a thing about.
[00:53:46] KC: But that’s the way my kids’ generation communicates with each other. Since I have kids living in different parts of the country, they send me little snapshots of their day all day. I feel super close to them when I see – they’ll show me what they wore that day, what they ate, where they were. They see a funny sign because they know like grammar and misspellings are my pet peeve. If they see a funny sign that – they’ll send me a screenshot of it.
We communicate with each other that way. We can be having one conversation on Snapchat, totally different conversation by text. But it’s a way for me to kind of feel close to them and be part of their day, even though they’re across the country from me.
[00:54:22] MB: I think if you have like a real – if you’re very clear on your purpose for the usage of this app, whatever that app is, you don’t necessarily – I wouldn’t put it that in an addictive way, because you don’t go on it for anything but to just check in with your children. I’m sure you –
[00:54:35] KC: No. I’ve never even done a public Snapshot to other people.
[00:54:37] MB: There you go. I mean, I do have a handful of TikToks because I just think the noises are super funny. But like, my main thing with TikTok is, I just go to decompress for five or ten minutes. Like one would do a puzzle. I should probably read a book, but I do it just to scroll to like be entertained and have it funny. I have never ever tried an effect. I don’t know. 95 percent of that app, I know nothing about, but I’m not addicted to it.
[00:55:03] KC: Nobody wants to see my 45-year-old butt dancing on TikTok, so I will save you from that.
[00:55:07] MB: I’m never dancing. [Inaudible 00:55:08] You know what I mean? I’m not on it 20 hours a day. I could certainly scroll for a while, but I tend to put myself on like a limit, and eventually, I get kind of burn out by it. I know I’m not addicted to it.
[00:55:19] KC: Yeah, TikTok to me –
[00:55:20] MB: You kind of know by your behavior if you’re addicted to it and how long you’re on it and what you’re doing it for.
[00:55:25] KC: Yeah. TikTok to me is kind of like watching like America’s Funniest Videos back in the ’90s. I will go on it in the evening for like half an hour, an hour at the most, and just laugh.
[00:55:33] MB: [Inaudible 00:55:33] you don’t know what’s coming up next.
[00:55:35] KC: No. You don’t know what’s coming up next. I follow people – I follow a lot of pets and I follow like some charity organizations that do great, like feel good videos, some comedian stuff.
[00:55:46] MB: That’s my only purpose on this thing.
[00:55:48] KC: Yeah.
[00:55:48] MB: If your whole thing is just this guinea pig and why he can’t be put out in the wild, and I’m like, “Yeah. That’s why I’m on TikTok.”
[00:55:56] KC: Or this dog who’s best friends with a parrot. I love it. Send me more.
[00:55:59] MB: Tell me why other people use TikTok, because to me, this is TikTok. But again, we’re not out there learning the latest dance move and trying to be on the next viral sound.
[00:56:09] KC: No, I don’t follow any influencers on TikTok and I don’t like – I don’t even know any of the TikTok stars.
[00:56:14] MB: Yeah. When you’re creating content for the sheer fact of that sound is going viral that day and you’re like running, and rushing and trying to spend all this time, money, and energy.
[00:56:23] KC: No.
[00:56:24] MB: That might be an addiction, unless like, my goodness, it’s paying you really well or it’s heading that way. But you know, the behaviors in which we use the apps and what we’re using them for.
[00:56:37] KC: Yeah. I think we need to ask ourselves how often we’re using them, how we feel before and after we use them. Is it positive? Is it negative? Are we using them to escape from something in our life? Because that might be something we need to address within ourselves, with a therapist, whatever it is.
Other than those main things, is it impacting our ability to be a mother, a partner and an employee. If it is impacting those relationships, that’s another big red flag. I would say, those four things. Really evaluate on an individual basis, each one of you and if it’s not an issue for you, enjoy it when it’s enjoyable. If it stops being enjoyable to you, stop participating.
[00:57:16] MB: Just like anything in life. It could become a problem. Like you can enjoy one chocolate chip cookie or you can have 24. Like the choice is yours to make in life. You know what I mean? We all just have to kind of see our behaviors and how they’re affecting our life in a positive or a negative way.
[00:57:34] KC: Yes, absolutely. I think this was a super important topic. Hopefully our readers feel the same and listeners. I would love to hear you guys’ take on this or tips that you have on how you kind of curbed your social media usage. I’m sure there are lots of things we haven’t even thought to talk about as far as social media goes, so if you’d like to continue the discussion, as always, go on our Facebook page. You’ll see the discussion group on there and you can talk about it further.
Make sure you don’t miss this article, because the author has her own take. She also talked about some of the scientific studies behind social media addiction and social media usage that were really interesting we didn’t touch on today.
[00:58:12] MB: Yes. I’m big on numbers and analytics, and so those things really, for me, those things speak to me more. Because then I see like the facts and I’m like, “Wow!” Yes, definitely check those out because those are very important too.
[00:58:24] KC: Yeah. Thank you, guys, all for joining us. We really as always appreciate all of your support. We love that we’re growing as community and each and every one of you is important to us. We want to thank you for listening and for watching. Please don’t forget, if you are enjoying this podcast or this YouTube channel, click subscribe, and follow, and rate, and review. That really helps us with all the different algorithms and helps more people to find us.
Also, if this is something that you are enjoying, tell a friend about it. The word-of-mouth is the best way to kind of get our message out there and we do appreciate each and every one of you that does that, because we are growing, we are trying. We are doing our best.
[00:59:02] MB: I find some of my most favorite podcast through word-of-mouth, so for sure.
[00:59:07] KC: Yeah. Okay. Thank you, guys, for joining us and we’ll see you next week. Bye-bye.
[00:59:15] ANNOUNCER: Thanks so much for listening to this week’s episode. Don’t forget to bookmark our site, shesafullonmonet.com. Subscribe to our newsletter. You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. If you’re enjoying this podcast, it helps us a lot if you can follow, rate and review. See you all next week.