My Chronic Pain Was A Blessing In Disguise. Here’s How It Gave Me My Dream Life

When I was in the fourth grade, my family was rear-ended in a pretty bad car accident. My mom got thrown forward, hit the dashboard, and had a severely black and blue face for a few weeks; the roof above my sister’s head and her side of the car were so caved in that she should have been severely injured (my parents still say she must have had an angel sitting on her lap to have escaped so unharmed); and the impact threw my body and left me with a pretty significant spinal curve. I went to a chiropractor three times a week for a few months to try to remedy the damage. Thankfully, all those chiropractic visits managed to set my spine straight, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for the years of chronic pain that had just been set in motion.

Degenerative Disc Disease

I started really experiencing pain in high school. We had x-rays of my back taken and discovered that the disc at the base of my spine was far thinner than it should have been. Soon after, I discovered the term “degenerative disc disease.” If you haven’t heard of degenerative disc disease, it happens when the discs that cushion and act as “shock absorbers” between the spine’s vertebrae stop doing the cushioning. We suspected the cause was the car accident I’d experienced years earlier and the resulting spinal damage.

Degenerative disc disease definitely isn’t rare. Research says that 30% of adults will show evidence of it by the time they’re 35, and that number increases to 90% for individuals over 60. It tends to happen naturally from the general wear and tear our bodies go through on a daily basis, and in rare cases it can be brought about by severe injury.

I’m the type of person who tends to ignore problems until they become unmanageable (yes, I’m working on that), and my back was no different. The pain was manageable throughout high school and most of college — senior year of college was when shit hit the fan. My lower back was in constant, excruciating pain, even with weekly chiropractic visits and lots of physical therapy. I missed countless classes (my professors were incredibly understanding) because I was basically bedridden. When I was in class, I’d have to stand in the back because the pressure that sitting put on my spine caused tremendous pain.

It took months of rest and physical therapy to recover from that, but recover I did! I’d have minor flare-ups in the following years, but I’d learned by then to identify the pain when it started and rest immediately. I even was able to take a very physical job with hardly any flare-ups. I figured I was out of the woods. Hah.

Thanks, COVID

I ended up needing to leave that job a week later so I could rest. Any type of movement was practically unbearable — I could only lay down all day. Plus, I was jobless (again). I knew I couldn’t take another service industry job, and it was still the middle of the pandemic. I felt very stuck.

Time to Follow Your Dreams

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I could read on my own by the time I was three, and some of my earliest memories are of writing stories. My fifth grade teacher called me up to his desk one day after reading a writing assignment of mine, and he said, “Emily, when you’re a famous author living in a Victorian manor somewhere, remember me, ok?” I promised I would. 

I think I was always terrified to follow my dream of being a writer. Terrified of failure, of struggle, of the judgment that can come from being publicly creative, maybe. But when I found myself jobless for the second time in three months, and this time with a disability, something inside me snapped. I found myself dealing with a tremendous amount of anger and frustration. I naturally tend to be pretty defiant, which ended up working to my advantage — I channeled that anger and frustration into a tangible determination to quit letting my back ruin my life. The biggest “f you” to the pain that I could think of was getting my dream job: a remote writer for some publication somewhere, that would eventually let me make my own schedule and work from anywhere in the world. 

I applied to countless jobs over the coming weeks. Countless. All writing jobs, all remote, all what I wanted. Eventually I landed an interview with my now-Editor in Chief, Kelly, and the rest is history.

Blessings in Disguise

Adversity stirs up something in us that nothing else can. I’m a big believer in blessings in disguise and in creating good from bad. In this instance, I can confidently say I never would have gotten my dream job had my back not forced me into it. I breathe a sigh of relief now every time I have a flare-up, because my livelihood isn’t threatened — I can easily do my job laying down if I have to, and I don’t have to struggle to schedule doctor’s appointments around my job. 

I want to end this with a message of encouragement, but I also recognize that I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m a privileged white girl living in the USA, who grew up in a lower-middle-class family but was still afforded plenty of education and opportunity — all of these factors better enabled me to find a remote job when I had to. It feels trite and shallow to end this with a message along the lines of “you can conquer anything,” when we’re in the midst of fighting for equity and equality for all people. 

So what I will say is this: you will face adversity, and it may be more difficult than mine. Maybe your adversity is systemic and mountainous. No matter what you face, let it stir something up in you. Don’t be a passive bystander to your adversity, and don’t ignore it, letting it breed and multiply indiscriminately. Look at it dead in the face until it’s the one fearful and trembling; it may never disappear, but in facing it, you will become stronger.

Do you have a story of living with chronic pain or another adversity? Share it with us in the comments!

Want Some More Motivational Messages? Read These:

I Learned How To Overcome Self-Sabotage And Increase Self-Compassion And You Can Too

Here Are 6 Ways To Build Resilience So You Can Face Adversity Head-On