How Important Is Sexual Compatibility To Your Sex Life Really?

sexual compatibility

When it comes to compatibility, there are conflicting messages often told to women from a young age. Old adages like “birds of a feather flock together” imply that we need a partner who is a lot like us. Contradictory phrases such as “opposites attract” encourage us to find a partner who is wildly different.

Whether you find a partner who mirrors your interests and values or a person who is the yin to your yang, one thing still holds true: good sexual compatibility makes for a hot and steamy relationship.

But as you grow older with the same partner, do you really need to be sexually compatible in order to sustain the fun between the sheets? The answers may surprise you.


Sex Naturally Changes As You Age

Aging will change the way your mind and body function, which in turn can definitely affect your sexual expressions. 

After menopause, the lack of estrogen produced in your body can dramatically change your sexual organs, leading to challenges like:

    • Painful intercourse

    • Delayed orgasms

    • Less natural vaginal lubrication

    • Longer arousal time needed

 Aging also can sexually impact men. Many men over a certain age can’t “get it up” due to a condition called erectile dysfunction (ED).

These challenges don’t mean that your sex life is “over.” In fact, you and your partner can find new and exciting ways to be intimate without having to have traditional vaginal penetration.

The Three T’s

The Three T’s can build a solid foundation for intimacy and sexual compatibility. They are:

    • More touch

    • More talking

    • More time 

While your mind can feel aroused, your body may not quite be there yet. You may need more time. It’s important to voice this to your partner and let them know that you need plenty of foreplay (more touch) to get physically ramped up.

There are a few different things that you could try, including:

    • Dirty talk (more talk)

    • Trying different sexual activities

    • Using toys 

When it comes to trying out new sexual activities, they can include kissing, a sexy massage, nipple stimulation, and more. 

Utilizing sex toys can enhance your pleasure and take it to an entirely different level.

Whatever techniques you decide to use, it’s always best to clearly communicate your wants and needs to your partner. Many men with ED avoid intimate situations to avoid embarrassment. Explaining clearly ahead of time that you’re not expecting traditional intercourse takes the pressure off him and can allow you to explore each other in new ways.

Focus On Other Components Of Your Relationship

Sexual compatibility is not the only important factor of a healthy relationship. If the physical chemistry between you and your partner is momentarily lacking, focus on the other positive parts of your relationship.

These include:

    • Teamwork: Your significant other is your counterpart and teammate. Overcoming obstacles together can bring you closer as a couple.

    • Understanding: Being understanding and accepting of one another’s faults and differences makes for a lasting relationship.

    • Respect: While you may not agree with your partner’s opinions or views, you should always respect them.

    • Friendship: Partners that are in it for the long haul aren’t just lovers, but best friends.

It’s always important to hone in on the good aspects of your relationship and truly appreciate your partner.

When To See A Sex Therapist

Seeing a sex therapist may help you and your partner overcome your sexual incompatibility concerns. Sex therapy often involves: 

    • Exploring the root causes of difficulty

    • Education about practical solutions, including different positions and pleasure toys

    • Cognitive behavior techniques to change thoughts and behaviors

You may want to seek counseling if:

    • You’re recovering from infidelity

    • There’s a mismatch between your level of interest and your partner’s

    • You have trouble opening up about your sexual health issues

    • Either partner seems to be taking the other’s sexual issues “personally” as rejection

The Bottom Line

While sexual compatibility does play an important role in your sex life, it definitely won’t make or break it.

Always be open and honest with your partner about your sexual needs and desires. If you’re experiencing any issues down there, don’t be afraid to share these with your spouse or seek medical treatment.

There are plenty of other ways to be intimate than just traditional intercourse. Spice up your sex life and reignite the spark with dirty talk and foreplay. If sex is lacking, practice gratitude for the other positive parts of your relationship.

Sexual desire is always fluctuating. If you and your partner have hit a dry spell, it can bring you closer together as a couple.


Sexual compatibility will fluctuate with age — fortunately, traditional sex isn’t the only cornerstone of a solid relationship! Do you have any other intimacy tips? Share with us in the comments!

For More About Relationships, You Should Read:

Understanding The 5 Love Languages Will Seriously Improve Your Relationships — Here’s Why

How To Beat The Breakup Blues And Start Living Your Best Life

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