So I’ve been away the last few days driving my older daughter Samantha and her boyfriend Zane across the county and getting them settled into their new home in Georgia where she will be finishing her education. Actually Zane did most of the driving. I love road trips and I love seeing our beautiful country, it really is breathtaking, but MAN- that much time in a small car and I feel like I need a chiropractor! I am definitely too old for that nonsense.
But I am back and since this is my second time dropping off a kid at a far away college and the third time having a kid leave home for a far away place, I thought I would share my thoughts on the experience. I don’t have an empty nest quite yet- still have one at home although since she’s 16 I rarely see her anymore. But they don’t have a word yet for when the baby birds start leaving and the acute pain that a mommy bird feels with one or more of her chicklets out there flying on their own in the storms of life without a parachute. It’s terrifying and exciting and freeing and heartbreaking all at once. It’s a unique feeling- we need a name for it.
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If you’re anything like me, you’re an involved parent. You know your kids friends, the friends’ parents, the coaches of their sports teams, their teachers, and basically where they are and what they’re doing and a fairly good idea of how much sleep they got and what they ate that day… then they go off to college or move out or whatever they choose to do after high school and BAM! POW! Suddenly you know nothing (Jon Snow) you know NOTHING. You know none of their friends, teachers, coaches, or any of the people in their life other than possibly a roommate you meet at dropoff briefly. You know nothing about where they are unless you are tracking them on Find My Friends and you have no clue if they’re eating or taking their meds or getting any sleep or anything. You go from fully involved to being a complete outsider overnight. It’s disconcerting to say the least.
You have to focus on other things, occupy your brain with new projects. Start a new hobby, throw yourself into work. DO NOT transfer that energy to your other kids, they will not appreciate it. Now is a great time to take up a new sport or to try something you’ve always wanted to attempt like running a 5k or learning to code- whatever floats your boat. If you’ve been a stay at home mom, now would be a great time to start volunteering or reenter the workforce part time. But you must stay busy and occupied because it’s long ass time until Thanksgiving and you WILL go insane. So stop obsessing and start remembering who you were before you had kids and what some of the dreams and goals you had for yourself were- are any of them still on your bucket list and still achievable?
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When my son went away to college I toughed it out for a year but eventually I got a puppy. I had never had a puppy before and I may have severely underestimated the time and training required but she sure kept me busy and occupied. She is almost 3 now and it’s like having a toddler in the house still, always needing to be cared for and played with. I’m not sure I would recommend a puppy to anyone, but lots of great dogs and cats at the local animal shelter who are already house trained need homes and they are wonderful distractions and cuddle companions and I promise they won’t leave you for college.
The shirt I am wearing is by Jason Wu Grey but I could not find it online (it’s from two seasons ago… whompwhompwhomp sad violin sounds…) but I did find several other similar styles including some much more affordable options all available now. I linked them below! Perfect transitional piece for Fall.
