It’s weird to think that I don’t have little ones any more. I spent so much of my life hearing “mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy” fifty fafillion times a day or refereeing arguments over who breathed on who or spending twenty minutes removing Legos, matchbox cars and decapitated Barbie heads from the bathtub so I could take a bubble bath only to be interrupted five minutes in by tiny chubby fingers under the door and a little voice asking when I would be done because “I’m thirsty”.

Now all the baby birds have flown the coop save one and she’s perhaps the most self sufficient sixteen year old ever. Or maybe that’s just the era she lives in. She has a driver’s license, a car, Lyft for those times she doesn’t want to drive, Postmates, Amazon Prime, and Google and we have a wonderful housekeeper. What does she need me for? I have become obsolete. I’m joking. (Kind of? sort of?)

While part of me misses the littles, I’ve really grown to cherish the bigs. My kids are I are great friends. I have a completely different relationship with them now. I am still there for them without question, unconditionally and they know that- believe me, it has been tested and proven. I made them each a promise when they hit the teenage years- you can always call me, wherever you are in the world, whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself into, whatever you’ve done. I will come to you, I will hop on a plane, a train, a rowboat- whatever it takes. I will set my emotions on the back burner and I will problem solve with you and we will get through whatever storms there are to deal with. And then we will talk later when the dust has settled. That has worked for us. That has given them the courage to call me without fear of my reaction and ask for help in the absolute worst of the worst situations you can possibly imagine. And I have not broken my promise.

It has worked for us, but it isn’t easy. Every family has to choose what works for them and it’s their own path. What’s right for one often isn’t right for another. But I am thankful every day for the amazing friendship I have with my kids. Being a parent and a friend both isn’t easy. It’s a really fine balancing act between encouraging them to reach and not pushing my own expectations on them. Because sometimes I can see they’re capable of something when they doubt it themselves. So then I know it’s pep talk time. And as much as I love them all equally, I love them all differently. Because they are different people. And that can look unequal to them when really it’s just knowing their different love languages or just having the limitations of being one person with finite emotional resources.

And it’s hard not having them under one roof anymore or even all in the same state. I miss them everyday. It’s so great having modern technology. Can you imagine when all people had were phone calls? Now I just text them everyday and tag them in memes lol! It’s our way of communicating. I have a running text conversation with each of my 4 kids and get regular Snapchats. How did people even keep up with each other’s daily lives before smart phones? The once a week phone call or worse yet waiting for actual handwritten letters? No wonder people lost touch with the busy lives we all lead. My kids are my squad, I could never go a week without talking to each of them.

For those of you whose kids have grown up- what was your favorite stage? The little stage? Elementary? Nobody loves the teen years, right?

By the way the tee I am wearing in the photos “My Squad Calls My Mama” is available in my blog shop in the V neck version I am wearing as well as a tank. It’s super soft and runs oversized so it can be tucked or worn over leggings.