February 21, 2022

Podcast Episode #38- Knowing Your Partners Conflict Style

Episode 38: Show Notes

Conflict is inevitable in most areas of life, whether it be at work, with family, or with your partner, and the way in which you argue can alter how you communicate. While we’ve come to understand our attachment style and which of the five love languages suits us best, our ‘conflict style’ is perhaps one of the most useful human behavior patterns that we can apply to our relationships, which is why Kelly and Megan are diving into this fascinating topic in today’s episode! Tuning in, you’ll learn more about the four styles of arguing: attacking, defensive, withdrawing, and open, and the importance of having open discussions about conflict with your partner rather than bottling it all up. We also touch on how knowing more about these behavior patterns can strengthen your relationships, the invisible emotional work women oftentimes perform in the home, and the benefits of helping your partner feel heard by repeating what they are saying back to them, as well as the importance of working on yourself first, plus so much more! Make sure not to miss this interesting and informative conversation about finding a reciprocal path ahead and making room for your emotions without using accusatory language or a defensive stance!

Read The Full Article Here:

Knowing Your Partner’s ‘Conflict Style’ Is The Best Relationship Game-Changer

Key Points From This Episode:

  • Kelly and Megan reflect on whether or not this type of ‘self-help’ or self-improvement is new.

  • How knowing more about these behavior patterns can strengthen your relationships.

  • Why an argument with your partner can sometimes feel like a personal attack.

  • Learn about the ‘attacking’ argument style and why it’s not the best way to resolve conflict.

  • Next is the ‘defensive’ style of conflict, which is the natural response to an attack.

  • Find out why defensiveness is just as unproductive as an attack.

  • The importance of having open discussions about conflict rather than bottling it all up.

  • We discuss the invisible emotional work that women often do in the family home.

  • The third conflict style, known as ‘withdrawing’, and how it can alter arguments.

  • Megan and Kelly share their personal experiences with withdrawing.

  • Lastly, we dive into the rare but dreamy conflict style: open communication!

  • The benefits of repeating what your partner is saying back to them in an argument.

  • How an open arguing style works like a cooperative project to resolve conflict.

  • Megan speaks candidly about how self-improvement brought her and her partner closer.

  • How proactively moving towards an open and productive style of conflict resolution can help the other person do the same too.

  • The importance of knowing, understanding, and loving yourself first.


“The more you know about your relationship style, your argument style, your love language, all these things are so beneficial.” — Megan Block [0:05:26]

“If we can teach [our kids] healthy conflict resolution skills and give them a lot of tools in their toolbox to use when they get into conflict with people, then they’re going to benefit from that long term.” — Kelly Castillo [0:07:27]

“I’ve learned that, if I wait until it’s boiled up to a point of explosion to express how I genuinely feel to my husband, he is already at a place of defensiveness.” — Megan Block [0:22:07]

“One thing you hear therapists say all the time is that, when you’re having an argument with a romantic partner, to repeat back to them what they’re saying, so that [you] know that they feel heard. That is a fantastic trick.” — Kelly Castillo [0:34:40]

“The open style of arguing—which is what we should all be striving for—is an argument style that’s one of resolving conflict. It looks at whatever the conflict is from all the different angles, and then it works like a cooperative project.” — Kelly Castillo [0:40:17]

“Working on yourself is a lot of work already. Start there. Don’t worry about what your partner is not doing right. It may frustrate you, but you can always work on yourself.” — Megan Block [0:49:57]

“If you take a proactive approach to move towards an open and productive way of arguing and conflict resolution, it will help the other person navigate their way there as well.” — Kelly Castillo [0:51:35]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

‘Knowing Your Partner’s ‘Conflict Style’ Is The Best Relationship Game-Changer’

Atomic Habits

Kelly Castillo

Megan Block

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