We so often hear about the importance of putting effort into dating your partner and being intentional about spending time with them, but what about dating yourself? As moms and wives, we are usually at the very bottom of our list of priorities, which takes us further away from who we are. In today’s episode, we talk about how to date yourself. The relationship we have with ourselves will last our whole lives, and it is so important that we put time into cultivating and nurturing this connection. If you don’t feel comfortable being alone, that is fine, but it is something you can grow to love. It is all about taking baby steps. We talk about the difference between self-care and dating ourselves, and hear about some solo date activities you can do. Alone time does not always have to be lavish; it just has to be something that you enjoy. We also talk about the pressure around getting into partnerships, how we can lose ourselves in relationships, the importance of normalizing time for ourselves, and reclaiming our identities outside of our roles. Our relationship with ourselves is for life, so it’s time to start putting effort into it!
Read The Full Article Here:
Key Points From This Episode:
How Kelly and her husband prioritize date nights.
Why Megan has put so much effort into dating herself.
As moms and wives, we are often right at the bottom of our list of priorities.
Our relationships with ourselves are the most important ones we have.
Even though Kelly enjoys her own company, she does not prioritize time alone.
The role that travel plays in opening your mind.
Why it is so important to learn to enjoy spending time alone.
The pandemic has allowed us to reflect on the activities that we make time for.
Mom guilt is a real thing when it comes to spending time by yourself.
Differentiating between dating yourself and self-care.
People are not thinking about why you show up somewhere alone, so don’t worry!
If you feel super awkward hanging out alone, you can use a prop to look like you are busy.
We don’t have to wait for other people to validate our interests.
It is completely normal to do activities without our partners.
If you don’t spend time alone, you won’t ever discover what you like.
When you spend time alone, you model this healthy behavior for your children.
It is all about reclaiming who we are as women.
“I strongly believe that your relationship with your own self should be the safest, most comfortable place, like a serenity type relationship. You’re going to have that relationship for the entirety of your life. It’s the longest relationship you’ll ever have guaranteed, is the one with yourself.” — Kelly Castillo [0:08:18]
“You have to show up for yourself, the same amount that you would show up for friends. And you have to have the internal dialogue with yourself as kindly as you would to a friend or partner, and that’s the intention.” — Kelly Castillo [0:26:54]
“We have to stop waiting for people to validate what brings us joy in order to just do it.” — Megan Block [0:30:57]
“If you don’t try things out to figure out what it is that unlocks your joy, how are you ever going to know?” — Kelly Castillo [0:48:36]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
[00:00:02] ANNOUNCER: Welcome to She’s a Full On Monet, a digital lifestyle magazine for women. Every week, our Editor-In-Chief, Kelly Castillo, along with Megan Black and special guests, participate in a deep-dive discussion about recent articles and topics we have covered. We invite you to become part of our community, where everyone’s welcome.
[00:00:27] KC: Okay. Thank you, guys, for joining us again. This is She’s A Full On Monet, Episode 11. We are officially double digiting it now. That’s pretty exciting. Yeah, thank you again, to everyone who comes back week to week to join us because we really do appreciate your support. And today we are talking about a subject I have to admit is, it’s going to be a learning experience for me too.
So, we’re on this journey together. We’re talking about dating yourself, which I’m a huge proponent for relationship and couple date nights. My hubby and I do them on a regular basis, even though now that we’re empty nesters, we’re alone here all the time. So, I think when we do date nights or weekends away, things like that, the little extra effort that it takes to plan and get dressed up a little bit and do something out of your normal routine, and we usually have some ground rules like we won’t talk about work stuff and we try to put some kind of boundaries on it so that we can just connect. Because the last thing you want to do is like sit at a nice restaurant on a date and rehash all of our shared work responsibilities, because we do work together, and we have a lot of investments together. So, there’s always stuff to discuss. We don’t do it a date night.
But I place this huge value on date night I have since the very beginning of our relationship. And so, this topic to me is really interesting, because dating myself is something that I just had never really thought to do. But I see the value in it. It seems so obvious when someone says that, and it never even crossed my mind.
[00:02:04] MB: I’m polar opposite. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get my husband to even think of the fact that we – because for some reason, he sees us together at home with the kids and he’s like, “We’re together. Why do we need extra time?” I’m like, “Because the kids are here and I’m in my pajamas and that is not the same.” To him, he doesn’t need like all that to like connect, he’s different, whatever. It’s also I think, a cop out. But still, I’ve learned that if – and also as a woman or anyone, no one likes to plan all the dates and pay for all – not like I pay for it, but plan all the things. There’s no like excitement out of that.
So, I learned very early on that if I’m not going to date a person, I will date myself and that is just fine too. Dating yourself, I think looks different for everybody. For me dating myself is well, if I’m going to spend such amount on going on a date with my husband, then maybe I’ll just go and get like a Frappuccino at the mall and buy some cute shoes and like feel – you know what I mean? That to me is dating myself. It’s taking the money that I would put aside for that and treating myself rather than putting it into all that extra stuff, which also is very, very important. But sometimes you got to date yourself, too. So, that’s my take on that.
[00:03:18] KC: I know when the kids were small, like I would need that alone time and I would drop them off usually with my grandmother and even just going grocery shopping by myself felt like really special and a treat, and I would get myself a little treat while I’m at the grocery store, a Starbucks or a candy bar, whatever I wanted. I would take my time rather than rushing through as fast as humanly possible and trying to keep the kids from throwing things over the top of the aisle or smashing it.
[00:03:45] MB: Dan will like say that me going to Trader Joe’s is like someone going to like a seriously long Catholic church service, because I’m gone for hours. And it’s because I’m like, “Do you know how many new things they have at Trader Joe’s?” I could read. It’s such a nice experience. I won’t go with kids. I’ll just like spend time there. I totally get it. I’m there. I am me right in that moment.
[00:04:05] KC: I was a single mom for a long time. So, I didn’t always have the choice of taking the kids or not taking the kids. So, that was my “alone time”. I remember being excited one day because I had a dentist appointment and I realized I would be alone.
[00:04:19] MB: That’s sad. I mean, that’s lousy when you really need some self-care time. That is not a good example of dating yourself. If anyone is like, “Oh, dentist appointment.” No, that’s not what we’re doing.
[00:04:30] KC: That’s not it. That’s not it and that’s why I’m telling you like I need this episode today.
[00:04:34] MB: You need to learn.
[00:04:35] KC: Because I still feel like you would look at that. I mean, when you had kids, older kids, you’d be like, “Oh, I have to go to the DMV. Darn three hours by myself.” You know what I mean? Or like a dentist appointment or something, sad. And when the kids were teenagers, like I was always trying to get them to hang out with me because they want to be with their friends all the time. So, I would be saying, “Hey, you know, let’s catch a movie. Let’s go out to eat.” And so, I felt like I had to plan one on one date nights with my kids also, because there are a lot of them and having the one on one time was not that common and that available.
So, between, individual time spent with each kid and time spent with my partner, like there wasn’t –
[00:05:16] MB: You’re going to date yourself. When are you going to cancel that in?
[00:05:20] KC: Right. So, I come like down the list of people. It goes like my kids, and then my partner and then our pets, and then there’s me way – I’m below the dog. That’s so sad.
[00:05:35] MB: It’s like the groomer appointment will come before whatever you plan on doing for yourself that day.
[00:05:39] KC: Right, or I would love to read four chapters of my book right now, but the dog needs to be walked. So, I’m walking the dog.
[00:05:47] MB: There was like a point, I’ve been trying to read this one book for months and months now. It’s just silly. And there was like, literally a moment in time where like, I caught up on my work. There was nothing for me to do. And it was like life was forcing me to read at that moment. I was like, “Well, dang. I never take time. We never prioritize ourselves as high as something like taking the dog to the groomer. Or like going and getting things at the store or taking kids to soccer practice. It’s never that important.”
[00:06:14] KC: No. And when I was single parenting, my ex, if he did take the kids for the weekend, because I had sole custody. But if he did take the kids for a weekend, he would take the boys one weekend and do boy stuff and the girls the next weekend and do girl stuff. So, I never had a break. I do remember my sister, took my kids on a camping trip to Lake Tahoe one time for a week, and I literally did not know what to do with myself.
[00:06:38] MB: I was going to say did you just sit there and don’t know what to do?
[00:06:41] KC: She did that because I was moving. And I had told her like, I can’t get anything packed. I can’t get anything clean. I’m losing my mind. And she’s like, “Okay, you know what, we’re going to Lake Tahoe, I’ll just take the kids with me.” And it was fine. I think they really had a great time, all of them. But I got the packing and moving done in the first like two and a half days. And then I was like, “Okay.” Because when I don’t have an off switch, when there’s no one telling me, it’s time to go to bed, it’s time to stop working. I will literally work myself until I fall over. It’s not good.
[00:07:10] MB: That’s crazy. You are an actual humming bird in human form.
[00:07:14] KC: It isn’t good. So, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had five days and I was like, “I have no idea what to do.” There were too many opportunities, it was almost paralyzing.
[00:07:23] MB: Exactly. Oh, my gosh. I will admit that I am completely caught up with the Kardashians and there was one episode where Kim, like all of her kids and all the assistants like she had the whole house empty, and for like two days, and she was like, “I want to do all the things, but I also want to like relax.” And then you do it, get it out of your system and you relax. And then she’s like, “I’m so bored.” And then she’s like, “I miss them.” It’s like this weird, we want it and then we have it and then we get it out of our system. And then we’re like, “Well, we don’t know what to do with it.”
[00:07:56] KC: That’s exactly it.
[00:07:56] MB: It’s so weird.
[00:07:57] KC: It’s not that I don’t like being alone. I love being alone. I genuinely enjoy my own company. I love myself. I’m not saying that like in a conceited way. But I am not one of those people who doesn’t know what to do when they’re alone. It feels like they need company all the time. I really enjoy my own solitude company. I strongly believe that your relationship with your own self should be the safest, most comfortable place, like serenity type relationship. You’re going to have that relationship for the entirety of your life. It’s the longest relationship you’ll ever have guaranteed, is the one with yourself.
So, I have really fostered that as far as you know, not negative talking to myself, loving myself for who I am, giving myself forgiveness. I’m good at all of those things. But I don’t necessarily nurture that relationship, the way I do my relationship with my partner or my kids or my friends. And that’s something that I really know that I need to work on. Because my relationship with myself, it should be the most loving and comforting relationship that I have.
There are oftentimes if a week or two goes by, and I haven’t had any kind of date situation with Alex, he’ll come up to me and he’ll say, “I miss you.” And I’m like, “Babe, we’re together 24 hours a day. I cannot be any closer to you. I’m within six inches of you most of the day, how can you miss me?” And he goes, “No, like I miss you.” And he’s like, “We’re just doing things adjacent to each other, but I miss you.” So, then that’s my signal, like we need to plan a little weekend away, or a date night or something where we’re focusing on each other and kind of nurturing that relationship. It had never crossed my mind that I needed to do that with myself.
So, this is something really exciting for me. I’m really on board for this and I will plan all kinds of elaborate fun things for him to do with me, for the kids to do, for the kids to do with their friends, even if I’m not going. I plan these elaborate trips for the kids or tickets to things, or like if I see something that reminds me of someone, I think would be really fun, I like to plan and I like to surprise people. I do that when I’m entertaining. I plan things for my friends. I would never think to plan a date night with myself for myself. And there are a lot of things that I enjoy, hobbies that I enjoy, restaurants that I enjoyed that my partner does not. So, I just don’t do those things, I mean, like outside of the house. He doesn’t enjoy reading. I love reading. I’ll do that. That’s fine. I can do that sitting next to him. But there are like restaurants I love that he really doesn’t care for and vice versa, and he’ll take himself out to lunch at the restaurants that he loves with no hesitation. I never do that.
[00:10:37] MB: You should.
[00:10:38] KC: Yeah.
[00:10:38] MB: I my kids and my husband sometimes don’t like the same things I do. And I like will forget that it’s even an option because they’ve deleted it as an option. I’m like, “Oh, yeah, like I could go there. I don’t have to get anything for anyone else. It’s not like canceled.” You got to, but you got to also remind yourself which is super weird.
[00:10:56] KC: I know. And some of my favorite restaurants I haven’t been to in a long time, because I’m the only one that likes them. My favorite thing, I like to be active. I mean, I don’t like working out. But I do like to be active. I like to go on hikes. I like to see new places. I like to just bike ride through a new neighborhood and check it out. I enjoy that. I enjoy road trips. I enjoy going for drives. None of those things are things other than bike riding that Alex enjoys. He’s not as physically active as me. He’s a lot older than me too. So, there are activities that sometimes when we’re on a vacation or something that I see as an option to do and I’d be like, “Oh, that sounds so fun. I would love to do paddle board yoga, or I would love to do whatever.” But I know, it wouldn’t be comfortable for him. So, instead of going to take myself to do those things, I just cross it off, which is crazy.
[00:11:47] MB: It’s kind of against what the meaning is, but do you consider dating yourself like making time for you and like a girlfriend to go on a road trip? I think that that’s taking time. It’s good for the soul to make time with a friend. And it’s also like, for me personally, I’d love to see certain things, places and do certain things. But just, I’m not like a black belt. So, like just being with companies sometimes makes me feel more comfortable and I can travel with ease. But I know that my partner’s not into the idea of it or maybe doesn’t want to, it’s like maybe dating myself can also be like dragging my best friend.
[00:12:23] KC: It totally can. Because again, I love road trips. I love driving long distance in the car. My whole family loves it. Alex does not love it. First of all, and he can’t sit for that long. He has circulation problems. So, I mean, four or five hours is the max, he could sit in a car. So, I take road trips with the kids. I have done that. But always with a purpose. Like getting them to a new place they’re living or a new school or something like that. I’ve never just done it for fun. I would love – one of my dream bucket list trips is to do a road trip of New England like the East Coast, like start up in Maine, maybe during like fall or spring when it’s really beautiful. And drive down and see all the little coastal towns in New England. I would love to do that. Alex would absolutely hate that. That would be no fun at all to him. But I also wouldn’t feel safe doing it by myself because I watched way too much True Crime –
[00:13:12] MB: That’s the thing, we’re way too woke. You cannot travel alone.
[00:13:17] KC: No. I’ve never been murdered. But I don’t think I’d like it. So, I’m not going to put myself in a situation like, where that’s –
[00:13:26] MB: Who wouldn’t want you to?
[00:13:27] KC: He would worry the whole time.
[00:13:29] MB: – to do it just for the sake of making sure you feel and are safe. That’s why I’m a good friend, but I still see that as dating myself, because it’s like, I would otherwise just completely cut it out. Like all the food options that we were talking about. I bucket that in the same area of like, “Oh, I just don’t do because my partner doesn’t want to, or it’s just a different vibe.” I maybe like it too, but I would never get in the car and drive for like, how many hours and like pick a hotel on the side of the road. I would just feel more comfortable with another person.
[00:14:01] KC: Me too. So, I think if I do take that trip, it’ll probably be like with my sister, with one of the kids or a friend and I would feel much more comfortable. Plus, I think seeing new places is more fun when you’re sharing it with someone because you can kind of vibe off their excitement too, and that’s one of the things is that there’s a lot of places I would love to go. But again, Alex is 20 plus years older than me and he’s been a lot more places than me. He traveled really extensively before we met and we’ve traveled extensively together, but there are a lot of places he’s already been. He doesn’t necessarily feel the need to go again.
[00:14:35] MB: You’re not [inaudible 00:14:35] for the first time.
[00:14:37] KC: Yeah, he would go with me if I asked him to, but when you go somewhere for the first time, and you’re super excited about it, and the person you go with has already been there, and they’re like, “Yeah, that’s this. Yeah, that’s that.” So, you know what I mean? It’s not like –
[00:14:49] MB: I told you what it means. It’s different.
[00:14:52] KC: It pops your balloon a little bit. So, when we went – we took a trip across Italy. We went from the south part of Italy all the way to the north part of Italy. So, we spent like 10 days, we saw so much of Italy. We went together, he’s been to Italy a million times. It was my first time and we took the girls with us. So, it was the girls and I that went to all of the – I mean, we went to the Sistine Chapel, we went to the Parthenon, or whatever. We went so many places, and he had no interest, because once you’ve seen it, you don’t necessarily need to see it again.
[00:15:22] MB: – to the experience, it’s a totally different experience for them, like, “Cool. I’m going to go to the – I get it. I totally understand.”
[00:15:28] KC: We went to all the museums, and he’d be like –
[00:15:32] MB: When you travel, it opens yourself up to new thoughts of what to do, because everybody has their own opinion of what they want to do and it may not have been in your like, ideas of what to do, and now you’re collaborating together. So, that’s always fun. I mean, it’s fun to do a couple trips. So, it’s just like, when you’re by yourself, and you’re traveling, it’s a lot. It just feels like a lot. Although I know, it’s like, it’s a totally great experience. I’m sure you take a lot from it. It’s just really not where I’m at at the moment. Maybe after, I don’t know, I think when people travel alone, I like look at them and I’m like, “Wow. That’s amazing.” There’s totally a value to it. I just feel like my husband, your husband, they would just feel like, “Hmm, maybe I’ll go just so that you feel safe or are safe.”
[00:16:15] KC: Yeah. Alex doesn’t like being alone. He really doesn’t. He’s not comfortable, like just being alone. So, if I went on a vacation by myself, he would probably – first of all, be totally confused. Think something was seriously wrong with me, like, “Why do you want to be away from me? I don’t understand.” But he’d also worry about me, because in his mind, that would seem really lonely and really depressing and really sad, not what he does.
[00:16:41] MB: And so, he would be calling you 24/7, so it’s like –
[00:16:44] KC: Or thinks he needs to come with me, because how could I possibly be enjoying myself alone. But I remember, I used to tell you, that my dream thing was to have like a weekend in a hotel by myself. That was my staycation dream with no people with me and I just order whatever I want from room service and read and lay around the pool, and just be alone in my thoughts.
[00:17:06] MB: It still sounds incredible.
[00:17:07] KC: It sounds incredible.
[00:17:08] MB: Did you ever do it? Have you done it?
[00:17:10] KC: I have not. I don’t know why. I have not. The closest I’ve come is to like, I feel that way when I’ve been admitted to the hospital.
[00:17:20] MB: Don’t be surprised. That’s not the same. That’s literally apart from bad –
[00:17:25] KC: But they bring you food and you’re alone, and nobody can bother you because you’re supposed to be resting.
[00:17:32] MB: We all have that minor car accident dream where we all –
[00:17:35] KC: Or the celebrity exhaustion. I’m exhausted also. Can I just check into a five-star hotel, hospital situation? Because I’m “exhausted”.
[00:17:47] MB: Don’t be surprised if how we handle our articles, I pop this idea of like, “Tired mom stays at hotel by herself.”
[00:17:55] KC: “It’s all she dreamed of.”
[00:17:57] MB: I’m just going to go for work purposes and write my experience.
[00:18:03] KC: It’s research and development. You’re going to take one for the team.
[00:18:08] MB: Now, I know you haven’t done it, we need to know what it’s like on that other side. Because it still just sounds so great. You had a hotel room by yourself, but then I forgot about the room service thing, and not having to really go anywhere, like do anything for anyone. I stayed in a hotel room one night overnight by myself, and it was glorious, because there’s just so quiet and I got to watch what I want. I didn’t order any food because I didn’t have that. But now I just want to do it.
[00:18:35] KC: Listen folks, we can dream, we can dream. But I think for anybody listening who’s not comfortable being by themselves, or who hasn’t spent a lot of time alone, it’s such a valuable thing because you learn what you like, you learn to listen to your internal monologue, you can spend your time getting to know yourself and then –
[00:19:00] MB: Yeah, sometimes. It’s like we change as people and sometimes we haven’t checked in on ourselves in 10 years, and you’re like not saying it anymore.
[00:19:09] KC: I know we talked before about how I had kids really young and I got to a certain age where I didn’t even know what kind of music I like to listen to anymore because it was Radio Disney 24/7. So, I’m rediscovering myself again now, that my kids have left the house. I’m 45 and trying to figure out. I’m a different person than I was at 18. I’m a different person than I was at 27. I mean, I mean, I’m different. So, I’m learning like trying different hobbies and activities, what do I like to do? What am I enjoy? What sound is good? But then when I do it, I realized I don’t actually enjoy it. But you have to spend time with yourself by yourself to get to that point. Because so often I say before COVID, I said yes to invitations from friends and for events and things like that, and I kept a busy schedule. I thought okay, “I’m doing things that I enjoy doing.” But with COVID when everything was removed, when I started thinking about adding things back into my schedule, I had to really examine, did I really enjoy doing that? Or was I doing it out of obligation? Was I doing it because someone else in my circle enjoyed it?
[00:20:10] MB: Same. I totally get it. I can’t believe I ever say this out loud. But I’m kind of not thankful a pandemic happened, but I’m thankful we all have the obligation to shut down and like chill and have everything canceled out of our lives. Because now we’re kind of like coming out of this – some of us not, but some of us are just completely evolved, not new people, but we’ve reintroduced ourselves to ourselves, and we’ve now said, “Okay, well, now it’s like, technically an option to do, but do I really want to do it? Does it bring an actual joy? Or was I doing it out of repetition or social pressure, or whatever that is?” I’m totally, it’s like one of the most personal things right now. It’s like have the courage to do the non-popular thing. Because it brings you joy. Because choosing not to actually, makes you happier than choosing to.
[00:21:04] KC: Yeah, and I’ve learned about myself that as much as I enjoy having social activities and going to events and things with my friends, I also really value my quiet time at home and my alone time. I don’t necessarily want to have as busy of a schedule as I had before. Because the slower pace that I’ve been at for the last year and a half has been really good for me mentally. So, I feel like I did a hard reset on my life. I’m going to be much more selective about the things that I add back. But I definitely think dating myself will be one of those things. And for me, that doesn’t just mean carving out a couple of hours a week or whatever, where I’m by myself. I want to put intention behind it, where I’m actually planning an activity for myself to do or planning a date, basically, for myself. Whether that means going to a movie that I know my partner would not enjoy, by myself, because I want to see it.
Normally, if I see a trailer for a movie, and I’m like, “Oh, I would love to see that.” But you know, Alex will hate it. Then I wait for it to come out on a streaming service and I watch it by myself. But why can’t I go to the movie by myself? I love going to the actual movie theater. We have a theater here in the house, but I love going to the actual movie theater, getting popcorn.
[00:22:19] MB: I’m all about that.
[00:22:21] KC: Dark, quiet experience.
[00:22:23] MB: I actually prefer, because it’s like how much socializing am I doing during a movie? I’m eating and staring forward. I love solo movie session.
[00:22:29] KC: Yeah, it turns my brain off for two hours. If there’s something that I want to see that no one in my circle wants to see, why shouldn’t I go see it by myself?
[00:22:37] MB: Now that you have the option to order like buffalo wings and a glass of wine, and you’re obligated to turn your phone off, I’m like, “That’s literally church to me. I love it.” I cannot be bothered and I still get all access to all the things I like.
[00:22:53] KC: I feel like the before version of me would need to – if I was going to plan to go to movie by myself, it would be sneaky. I wouldn’t tell everyone I was doing it, so I would feel awkward about it. But now, I feel like I’m confident enough to claim that time and say, “You know what, I need some alone time. I’m going to go do this.” And not feel like I have to justify it to anybody or male, I’m actually going to go, do this. And really, I’m planning to go to a movie by myself.
[00:23:19] MB: Movie is a good starting point. I mean, I want to get to a point where I’m cool with eating lunch by myself at a restaurant around other people that are clearly with other people.
[00:23:26] KC: I can do that, but I bring a book with me, and to me, that’s not the same.
[00:23:32] MB: It’s like the people that scroll their phones – I mean, reading a book is a good thing, but like, just the people that sit there and just enjoy their pasta by themselves and they’re so – I’m like, “Dang.”
[00:23:42] KC: I aspire to get to that point. I want to be intentional about it and I also want to be unapologetic about it. Because with the kids growing up, I always felt like since I was their only parent, anytime I took away from them, I had to justify it. So, I was pretty careful about not being selfish with that. They already were down one parent. I wasn’t going to take more time. You know what I mean? It was mom guilt talking.
[00:24:12] MB: Also, you know, you have to also be okay with like putting the money into yourself too. I get a lot of guilt when I know how far that money will go for like that small amount of time that I’m spending on myself, whether it’s an event or something like that. You really just have to like, do it. Do it not like crazy or anything but do it small. Take yourself out to a movie, buy yourself something and then like when that little voice in your head starts to give you all the reasons why you shouldn’t, ignore that voice a couple times, and then it won’t feel so bad because especially the time away from the kids, is tough one too. Because you’re like, “Man, did I do enough yesterday to make up for the fact that I’m not there today?” You know what I mean? It’s crazy. Why can’t we spend time with ourselves?
[00:24:59] KC: For me, I would feel it. I know what my instinct would be. My instinct would be to tell my partner that I have a bunch of errands to run, and then really go date myself. But that’s not the point of it. The point of it is for me to show myself and the people around me that I value myself enough to have this time, and that my relationship with myself is just as important as my relationship with him, or my relationship with my kids or whatever. I need to be able to say that out loud to the people around me and have it be accepted for me to internalize it.
[00:25:31] MB: Do you consider dating yourself and like self-care in the same category? Because people might be like, “Well, wait a minute. In past episodes are like, oh, take time for self-care. So is dating myself, like going to the gym for a couple hours, because that feels like doing the things I need to do, and how I’m treating myself.”
[00:25:45] KC: To me, that’s like maintenance of our mental health and dating yourself to me is, whatever kind of effort I would put into to plan is special thing for me and a friend or me and my partner, or me and one of the kids. When I used to have these dates with each individual kid, I would put thought behind what would they enjoy doing? Where would they want to go? And I would think about the things that I wanted to talk to them about, if something was going on in their life, why can’t I do that for myself?
So, I’m talking about carving out time where it’s intentionally frivolous, and not dedicated to, okay, self-care means I’m going to get outside today. I’m going to exercise. I’m going to take a hot bath. This is in addition to. Yeah, this is you know what, even if it’s once a month, I’m going to take the time and go to that book club, I’ve been thinking about going to, or I’m going to take myself out and try this new restaurant that I’ve been hearing about, but I don’t know anyone else who wants to go, or whatever it is that you feel is something that you alone would enjoy that it takes as much thought and effort. I mean, you have to show up for yourself, the same amount that you would show up for friends. And you have to have the internal dialogue with yourself as kindly as you would to a friend or partner, and that’s the intention. That’s what my goal would be.
For me to be able to have a conversation with myself, and check in with myself the way I would for girlfriend. Like you spoke with Alex, “When he’s like, ‘Hey, I miss you.’ You don’t have to be cheesy and look in the mirror and be like, ‘Hey, I miss you.’ But kind of the same way.
[00:27:20] MB: But in our robotic form for the last how many ever weeks.
[00:27:27] KC: Because we do. We go, go, go, go, go, go, productive, productive, productive, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, especially doing, doing, doing, for others, and we miss ourselves.
[00:27:36] MB: And most of it until we’re literally like, haggard and borderline sick to go, “Oh, maybe I should like take a nap”, Or “Maybe I should like, slow down.” We wait until it’s like, if there’s like, if you’re playing a video game, it’s like read level, we wait until then to like be awake about it. And then so if we wait that long to even be aware that we’re like literally killing ourselves, how are we going to be so awake that we go, I needed to take myself to that new restaurant. It’s such a mental training thing. When you make your to do list, put it on there, because like you’re going to ignore that. It’s not going to be second nature. If it hasn’t been for years or whatever. It’s not going to just show up.
[00:28:18] KC: No, it’s not. I get these emails from some of the clubs that were members have, or members on the beach club. Here we’re members of our community Country Club. I get their emails every week with all the events and stuff that they’re doing, and sometimes I see an event that they’re doing like one of those like paint and sips, or a book club, or a learn to golf thing. I think that sounds so fun. Who would be wanting to go to that with me? Why do I have to think that way? Why can’t I just go to it with my own self? I need to work on that. I need to work on not feeling like I need to kind of partner up for every single activity. There’s absolutely no reason in the world why I couldn’t go to the paint and sip at the country club by myself, except for my own awkwardness, and that’s what I need to get past of.
[00:29:06] MB: Because we’re worrying about what other people are thinking, but at the same time, we all need to be aware that no one’s ever thinking about us or thinking about themselves, and what other people are thinking about them. They’re never thinking about you or whatever you’re thinking they’re thinking about you. But yeah, for some reason, it’s something we never grow out of. You know what I mean? It’s like, “Oh, I’m alone. They probably think I have no friends or I’m by myself forever.” And it’s like, “Why on earth are they thinking about you for that long? Please, like no one’s thinking about anyone that long?”
[00:29:32] KC: And that’s the opportunity to change your self-talking and change your dialogue.
[00:29:38] MB: By the way, you’re never probably going to see those people ever again, for the most part, like ever again. So, whatever. Like the pasta at one restaurant you really want to eat and don’t worry about what other people are thinking because like, they’re probably thinking just like you and I just admitted. That’s awesome. I wish I was like that.
[00:29:56] KC: Yeah, like totally.
[00:29:58] MB: I wish I had more time to myself. I’m literally with someone, looking at someone alone going, “Wow, I want to be that person.”
[00:30:06] KC: And that person’s thinking that we’re looking at them thinking the exact opposite.
[00:30:10] MB: Or maybe they’re not. Maybe they’ve gotten past this, but we all just need to, like, get cool with being with ourselves. Because you’re right, it’s literally the longest relationship you’ll ever have, and the most important one. If you decide to take that class that you’ve been seeing advertised at your community center, or go join some club that you’ve heard about, or take lessons of something that you’ve always been interested in, but nobody else wants to take them with you, any of those things. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is it’s awkward for the first couple of minutes. The best thing that could happen, maybe you make a great friend that you would never have met otherwise. Or maybe, you just have a fantastic time by yourself and realize, it’s not weird like you thought it was going to be, it’s totally fine, and then you start doing more things like that.
We have to stop waiting for people to validate what brings us joy in order to just do it. It’s so not about that. And it can be baby steps, but you got to start somewhere, because it’s going to feel really good. Just like after you work out, you feel really good. You might feel a little guilty at first because it’s abnormal to your body, but like going out and spending some time on yourself and doing that can re-center you. You remember that you’re also a person who deserves to be happy.
We’re so used to waking up and going, “Who can I serve?” That we almost forget that like, we also deserve to be happy, and maybe you’re in a relationship where that person doesn’t dote on you all the time. And so, you’re used to the person that you’re with, not giving you that kind of attention. So, you’ve kind of done that to yourself as well. It’s okay to do that to yourself. Or you’re not in a relationship at all, and you think you have to wait for that person, “Oh, I can’t go mini golf by myself, I have to wait for somebody. Maybe, but also, like, maybe go on lunchtime, and just do it and play a couple games and go home and see how that felt.
[00:32:01] KC: Yeah, we have to celebrate ourselves, we really do, as much as we celebrate anyone else in our lives. And if we’re not getting the support that we need from the people in our lives, I hope that’s not the case for any of our listeners. But if it is, be that support for yourself, and it’s okay to do that. It’s not selfish. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating yourself and spoiling yourself in the way that you need if you’re not getting your like love language needs met from anyone else, maybe you’re single, maybe you’re with a partner who just for whatever reason, at this time, it’s not happening. It’s okay to be that for yourself. We don’t have to always look externally for that.
[00:32:38] MB: And for goodness sakes, like if anything, if anything, if anything, while you’re doing it, be present. It’s so natural for us to go, “Oh, I’m by myself.” And I don’t know for me, but I’ve noticed other people, especially when I’m in a coffee place or something, they’re all on their phones scrolling on their screens, and like they’re alone, but they’re afraid to look like they’re just alone. They’re all alone, but maybe they’re working on their phone. They want someone to think that they have a higher purpose than just being alone. Or they’re not comfortable with their own thoughts, or they’re not comfortable with looking around and seeing other people look at them and like get their brains moving. You have to like be present in that moment.
[00:33:15] KC: Right. It’s okay. I mean, just sit there, have your coffee, have a conversation, finally with yourself.
[00:33:20] MB: I feel like that’s a good – I love going into Starbucks when they’re playing their nice music and reading a book because it’s a better environment than if I was at home. To me that enhances my experience. I don’t need it as a crutch, though. If it’s a crutch, like a phone would be, then maybe just like try not using it and like test yourself a little bit.
[00:33:37] KC: Yeah. And if it’s super awkward for you at first, I mean, you can have that book or phone as a prop to make yourself feel more comfortable. But you shouldn’t actually be using that to avoid having conversations with yourself.
[00:33:52] MB: Or experience in the moment.
[00:33:56] KC: Right. But if you need to hold it, so that you don’t feel so judged by other people, at least in the very initial, this isn’t going to come naturally for anybody. I mean, when we were kids, at least for myself, I used to play outside by myself all the time and I used my imagination. I was like my own best friend. I had a great time. But you lose that as you get older and that seem to be weird. You’re supposed to be with your friends All the time. You should have that relationship with yourself.
And like Megan said, this is so important, if you are divorced or single or widowed, or you’re alone for whatever reason in your life right now and you don’t have a partner by choice or otherwise, don’t put things off and think, “Oh, I have to wait until I meet someone to take the cruise I’ve always wanted to take.”
[00:34:36] MB: Or go skydiving alone.
[00:34:39] KC: No, it isn’t. And that’s one how you meet people. You meet people when you’re your best version of yourself and you’re out there living your life and you have a full and rich life because that’s what people are attracted to.
[00:34:51] MB: That’s what [inaudible 00:34:51] and married, like it’s way harder to do those things solo. You have to like we already touched on, tell the person you’re doing it. Make them feel comfortable with the idea that you’re doing it. Go and do it. When you’re by yourself, it’s just, “Go do it.” We all say on the other side, do what you can. Do while you can, because like, yeah, you can always do those experiences again, I know it’s fun to do new things. But that’s how you learn what you like. That’s how you get to like cross things off your bucket list, like you should do those things and don’t wait even though the brochure shows a guy and a girl or a girl or whatever, like doing it together doesn’t mean that’s only like you and someone else thing.
[00:35:30] KC: Right. And if you do have a partner, this is going to be a learning experience for both of you. If this isn’t something that you currently do, spend time apart, in the past, it was very common for husbands and wives to have very different hobbies and spend a lot of their time apart. I mean, men would be off like fishing with their buddies on the weekends, or camping or whatever. And the ladies would be doing their own thing and that was totally accepted and fine. And now we have this idea that we have to do everything with our partner.
[00:35:58] MB: Or there’s something wrong with your relationship or there’s something wrong with you. Sometimes when you’ve been in a relationship for so long, you start to do things by yourself, people start to question if there’s something wrong with your relationship. There’s also pressure all over the place, because it’s like, “Oh, heaven forbid, that so and so decided to take a vacation by herself to go see somebody.” Well, maybe they don’t know that, like their husband literally hates camping and would never ever do it. And it’s been something on their list for years and resentment builds. So, people just feel like it’s a security blanket.
[00:36:32] KC: I’ve heard that so many times from – I have girlfriends who take a girl’s trips to Europe and Mexico and all these things. And I have heard in our social group, I wonder how her husband feels about that. They must be having problems. Oh, they’re on the rocks. You don’t know that. Maybe he’s a mountain person, not a beach person. So, she goes to Cabo with her girlfriends. That’s normal. That should be normalized. I mean, we shouldn’t wait to take the trips that we want to take. We shouldn’t wait to do the things that we want to do. We should be able to tell our partners, “I know you don’t enjoy this activity, but it’s something that I really want to try, or I really enjoy. So, this weekend, I’m going to do that from this time to that time.” And they shouldn’t feel like that’s a judgment of them. That’s an abandonment of them. That’s us not wanting to be with them or –
[00:37:25] MB: Any healthy relationship should have separate hobbies separate times when you’re apart. Because that’s just that, if you’re always doing things together all the time, it’s just like, I don’t know. I feel like some people like, “I always like doing everything with my partner. He’s my best friend blah, blah, blah.” But yeah, like, but do you start to like, get itchy and look at your phone and freak out when you’ve been sitting by yourself for three to five minutes. Because like, this is like an individual learning thing. This isn’t about like, “Oh, what I prefer.” It’s like, maybe you just need to do things by yourself, because you haven’t in a really long time. This is now you’re thinking that you have to do everything by yourself.
[00:38:01] KC: Yeah, and you need to kind of explore that and make sure that it’s not you avoiding ever being alone, because you’re uncomfortable with that idea of being alone. Because, again, your relationship with yourself should be your primary relationship in this universe. You can’t leave yourself. you can’t leave yourself for any reason whether it’s a breakup, or people fall out of love, people divorce, people die. People will leave you in your life for a million reasons. Not all are having anything to do with you, but your relationship with yourself is consistent and stable and always there. So, we need to invest in it and we need to nurture it and it’s something that I mean, I really don’t hear very many people talking about doing it. I don’t see very many people out doing it. So, I think as a society, we have to normalize that and that takes each one of us individually, being proactive and saying, “You know what, I’m going to do this today for myself.”
[00:39:04] MB: I do it with my oldest. My youngest, she can play for hours by herself. I think it’s amazing. My oldest, has a really big problem with doing anything by herself. And I literally force her to do things by herself so that she can learn what she likes and what she enjoys. And I’m just sitting here thinking like, like we always do, I’m forcing her to do something that I myself should be telling myself. Okay, take time with yourself and figure out what you like and go do that. Why am I telling her to do it, but I’m not telling myself to do it? It doesn’t always have to be spent – maybe you’re on a really tight budget or maybe you lost your job but you still want to treat yourself, maybe you really enjoy just going to the beach and looking at the waves. Go to the beach by yourself and look at the waves and don’t worry about like where are the kids? Are they running around? Are they in the water?
[00:39:47] KC: That’s exactly it. If I’m taking my partner or the kids to the beach, to the park, I will do the most beautiful picnic arrangement. I will plan it. I will have the basket. I will have chilled wine. I’ll have the cheese plate, whatever I think is going to be a hit with them, depending on their particular likes and dislikes. If I’m doing it for myself, I would never consider putting that kind of effort in and that’s so messed up.
[00:40:15] MB: I could make like a cheese and like, play a note and the thing of wine and go to the beach, watch the sunset. I would remember that for probably the rest of my life.
[00:40:25] KC: Yeah, and why am I as an individual less deserving of that, than when I’m with my partner or my kids? I will totally do things like that, plan beach trips, and I pack the cooler and I have everybody’s everything and we go. Why can’t I put that much effort for myself? It tells me a lot about –
[00:40:45] MB: It’s a different experience. You’re serving, you’re hosting at the beach, for goodness sakes. When you go by yourself, you’re listening to the waves and the seagulls and you’re chilling. Like you’re not worrying about anybody but your own happiness and the surroundings around you. When I go to the beach, even if they were teenagers. They’d be like asking me a billion and five things, like that is not the same experience. So, it’s like, maybe you don’t have a bunch of money to take yourself to the mall or the trip or whatever. But it’s just what do you enjoy that has been like kind of desensitized because other people around, you know what I mean?
[00:41:19] KC: Yeah, go for that hike. Go to the community pool, if that’s what you enjoy, and swim laps. You don’t need to make sure someone’s there to go with you. We have to just start showing up for ourselves.
[00:41:33] MB: Yeah, and I agree. I feel like the more people do it, the more society will catch on, and the more it will become a norm because I think we hit an age where you’re almost pressured to be starting to think about being with someone else. When you hit a certain age in school, it’s like, “Oh, so and so has a boyfriend.” And like, you start to get boyfriends and grow, and then you start to couple up, then you’re judged for being single and that never comes back. You never just chill with yourself. It’s like this constant struggle to fit in with what society told us is normal.
[00:42:04] KC: Right. The other end of that is like widowhood, where you’re expected to just be super sad and alone in a retirement home and just have your grandkids or something. Because women live longer than men, traditionally, right? That’s a genetic thing that is normal. You don’t see that many men in retirement homes. It’s mostly women and there’s this idea of like, this sad existence, that’s left for us in our old age because they’re by themselves.
[00:42:31] MB: It very well be. I mean, my grandma lost her spouse of 50 plus years, and yeah, this is a big bummer. But it’s like, you just think that the person like cannot handle it, or it’s like a sad state. Well, maybe, but maybe they’re also like – some people like get in your relationship pretty late in life, and they’re like super happy and they do – I’m not saying you have to have a relationship. If you’re well enough to go start to do stuff in the older range, you don’t have to like be coupled up. My dad is single, and he is older. And I’m like, “What do you want to go do? Because now you have the opportunity to do it. Nothing’s holding you back.”
[00:43:08] KC: Right. You got nothing holding you down. Again, my partner is 20 plus years older than me and women tend to live longer than men anyway. So, it’s just realistic for me to imagine that there’s going to be a period of time where I’m on my own. If I don’t start getting comfortable with the idea of that now, then yeah, I will be this sad, sad lady –
[00:43:29] MB: Talk to the system. Start doing time now. It sounds super dark.
[00:43:34] KC: No, I don’t mean it like that. I mean –
[00:43:38] MB: Like someone we touch face when the kids leave home. And you wait to be by yourself when the kids leave, and then it’s super shocking for your system. It’s a huge shock to the system.
[00:43:48] KC: Yeah. It’s a deal breaker for a ton of relationships. It’s a shock to the system. Women have full blown breakdowns at that time because their identity is questioned.
[00:43:59] MB: That relationship and that being a mom and whatever, whatever that is.
[00:44:02] KC: Right and this is, that’s what exactly this is about. This is about, I need to have my own separate identity. I am not just Gabby’s mom, Sam’s mom, Austin’s mom. I am a person individually, I was before I had kids, I am still today, and I need to figure out who that person is. I need to celebrate that person and love that person. I am more than just being Alex’s wife, partner, whatever. Because that isn’t also defining of who I am. So, while those –
[00:44:32] MB: – one for like anxious attachment people, or codependent. I am one of those people [inaudible 00:44:39] to sleep alone and really be alone. And like, I was like, legit having a problem with it. I’m like, “What am I going to do if he was actually gone?” You have to learn to be with yourself at some point, because it might happen and it might be out of your control. So, learn to do it in your own control now, small steps so that when it does happen at some point or you are by yourself at some point for a period of time, it’s not like the world’s crashing down. Because it can for some people really be – it’s the thing that they fear most is losing the person that they love or not being around that person because that person is like their comfort blanket. So, the idea of literally doing something without them is like opposite of what they think brings them happiness. So, it’s like, “Wait, what? Why would I do that?” Why would I purposely slip away from that person, I need that person. Well, that’s why you do it.
[00:45:33] KC: That’s normal to be obviously devastated when you lose a relationship, whether it’s a divorce or someone passing, whatever the situation is, it’s normal. It’s normal to have all kinds of feelings when the kids leave home, also normal. We’re not saying that you shouldn’t feel that way. But if we take time, to nurture our relationship with ourselves, the way that we understand. We understand that we need to nurture our relationships with our partners. We understand that if we have more than one kid that each kid needs individual time with us to nurture that relationship, because they are individual people. We understand that we need to check in with our parents and grandparents and nurture that relationship as well. Why are we not understanding of the fact that if we don’t spend any time in the busy time of our adulthood, nurturing our relationship with our own selves, that there will come a time when we have – it’s literally going to be in our face? We have no choice, we are alone –
[00:46:33] MB: The minute you know it’s literally inevitable, like there will be a time, maybe not maybe you go out, like The Notebook where you’re like snuggling next to your partner, and then you just like die. But chances are, you’re going to have a period –
[00:46:46] KC: Very unrealistic.
[00:46:47] MB: – like that alone. Maybe it’s now, maybe it’s the later part of your life, maybe it’s after the kids are gone, but it is inevitable. Do you wait until – that’s like signing up for a marathon and then waiting until the day of the marathon is like, take a jog. You’re like, “No, you’ll be fine.” No, it’s not going to be fine. You’re going to throw up a lot. You might want to make one now, so that when it happens, because it will happen, you’re not a mess. Do that for life.
[00:47:17] KC: Exactly, exactly. So, I think this is a super important topic. Hopefully, we got through just to keep –
[00:47:25] MB: Yeah, now we have to apply it. You did some pretty cool stuff for yourself, the next time we check in, because we’re not about saying things are not doing it. We’re not going to talk about that meditation article I’m writing. We’re going to do it even though we have keep reapplying it, because hey, we’re not perfect, and no one is going to – I mean, hopefully treating yourself you nail it pretty much out of the park the first round and hopefully, you’re not one of those people that like makes the plans and gets out of the driveway and then turns back around and goes back inside. You got to follow through with it. And it’s pretty amazing. But it’s unlike meditation, which I feel is like, a chore and I don’t envy you.
[00:48:11] KC: I know. It’s a whole other thing.
[00:48:13] MB: But now we have to apply it, and if everybody would apply it, I feel like it’ll be more normal. You’ll see more people out there doing their own thing.
[00:48:23] KC: Yeah, this is a practice. So, we all need to practice this. And they say, do one thing every day that scares you, do one thing every day that scares you. But do one thing every day that just thrills you too, that brings you joy. If you don’t try things out to figure out what it is that unlocks your joy, how are you ever going to know? You maybe just be doing the things that people around you are doing because it’s convenient, it’s easy. They’re already doing it, might as well. But you need to explore what always has kind of piqued your interest. I think everybody has that thing that every time they see it on a movie or TV show kind of, “Oh, I would love to try that.” What’s stopping you? There’s nothing stopping you except for your own thought process.
[00:49:04] MB: You have to be afraid for it to be an unpopular opinion, because it might be. People might go like, why would you ever want to do that? Or like you might lose, people who – it might be like a social media thing and you start to lose followers, because you’ve had a shift in an interest. Be afraid to be unliked for a minute, because that would be more joy.
[00:49:27] KC: Imagine if you explain to the people in your life that you love them very much, and you value your time with them. But you also value your time alone, and you’re going to be doing this thing. If you make them understand where that is, where that’s coming from, and it’s no reflection of them, maybe that will give them permission to do the same. Maybe that will give them permission to do something –
[00:49:47] MB: We’re all looking for permission to do this. We don’t know anyone who’s like, “I’m good on the dating myself thing. I don’t need joy.” We all want to do it.
[00:49:55] KC: Who has time for joy?
[00:49:58] MB: If someone is like, “I’m doing this”, then they’ll be like, “Hmm, I should do that.”, it’s like a domino effect of like people finally recognizing themselves.
[00:50:08] KC: Yeah. And maybe this is somebody’s wake up call to get into that healthy relationship with themselves. If we as wives, moms, can be that example, especially, even if your children aren’t still living in the home, if you can show your children, that you are an individual person outside of being their mother, and you have interests that are of your own, and that you take time to nurture those interests, that’s a very healthy thing for them to learn and to model as they get older. And they won’t feel when it’s their time to move out of the house, they haven’t already, they won’t feel that burden of what’s mom going to do. I don’t want to leave her. Because our children feel it, I have to say that my children and I have a good enough relationship that they have expressed to me that when they were moving out of the house, they worried about me, because they were such a huge part of my everyday life.
[00:50:56] MB: Yes. And they won’t absolutely worry that you like have nothing else going on.
[00:51:02] KC: No. That you want them to be focused on their new beginning and their exciting time to go off to college or start moving out to their own apartment, or whatever the circumstances are, you want that to be a time full of joy and possibility for them and not guilt. So, if we show them from the time that they’re small, or as soon as you can start that we have a full and rich life of our own, whether that’s an internal life or external life, that is healthy for them. That is healthy for them to see, so that they can model that kind of balance when they’re older. So, I go, “Go do the thing. Go do roller derby. Go hike.”
[00:51:41] MB: And show the people around that you’re doing it. Don’t ask permission, but tell them. Give them a heads up because then it’ll kind of relieve the stress off of your shoulders a little bit. And then you can – or don’t, but like don’t feel like you have to tell them you’re running a bunch of errands but you’re really secretly treating yourself. It’s not something to feel bad about, like declare it.
[00:51:57] KC: Declare it. This is about us taking back our time and with the intention. So, if you don’t say it out loud, the intention isn’t as loud.
[00:52:08] MB: You haven’t told yourself really, too. I mean, there is something to like telling others but you’re also telling yourself. It’s like an all-around thing. If you’re just starting to do it, but you’re also trying to fit it in your schedule and don’t want to like inconvenience anyone with your new thing that you’re doing, and it’s like, “No. Tell them.”
[00:52:26] KC: Yeah, it’s nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of telling. If it is something that is wonderful for you to do for yourself. So, you should be telling people this and encouraging them to do the same. So, go and build that model train set in your basement or whatever it is, whatever your joy is. Go like, I don’t know, whatever you want to do. Go do it. Go Live your life. Also, Megan that doll is creeping me out.
[00:52:55] MB: I don’t even want to tell you.
[00:52:55] KC: If you guys are not watching our YouTube video, if you’re just listening, there is an antique doll on the shelf behind Megan. I know it does not belong to Megan.
[00:53:04] MB: No. I live in my in-law’s house temporarily. So, this background setup –
[00:53:07] KC: It’s making eye contact with me and it has been for like the last hour. I feel like it is, maybe it isn’t.
[00:53:14] MB: It isn’t. But it’s one of those dolls that like I also – like every time I move it, I don’t know how it got back. I think my mother –
[00:53:20] KC: Don’t say that. It did not move itself back there. This is not that kind of a podcast.
[00:53:29] MB: It’s so creepy. Because it’s like one of those paintings where you’re convinced the eyes are following you. That’s what it’s doing.
[00:53:34] KC: It’s not facing me, but somehow still watching me from the deepest part of its soul.
[00:53:38] MB: And the way her nose and her mouth are, it’s like –
[00:53:42] KC: She’s judging me.
[00:53:44] MB: She knows things.
[00:53:46] KC: She’s searching my soul.
[00:53:48] MB: Like it’s all of the kid movies in which the kid murder someone is this doll. We’re like, plotted and she’s ready. I won’t have it next time. Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry.
[00:54:04] KC: I just had to point it out if anyone watching this on YouTube felt the same. So, I’m not going to feel alone.
[00:54:10] MB: Yeah, this might come as a shock. But this is not one of those like, choose your own background set choices. I don’t know if this is like shocking to anyone.
[00:54:18] KC: She didn’t choose these Zoom background creepy doll.
[00:54:20] MB: I didn’t choose weird playroom setting. Sorry about that.
[00:54:27] KC: All right. Well, thank you all for joining us this week. We again, appreciate everyone’s support. We’d love to see our readers and listeners and YouTube subscribers coming back from week to week. It means a lot to us. And this article will have already been published by the time this is live. So, please also read our writer’s take on it. She kind of did a bullet list of things to do to get yourself comfortable with dating yourself, which we didn’t go over, so it’s definitely worth a read. It’s not repetitive.
[00:54:54] MB: Especially if you’re new to it and you’re like how do I even get started, you just need some tips on how to –
[00:55:00] KC: Yeah, go check it out. It’s a good read. And again, we can always talk deeper about this in our Facebook discussion group or commenting within the article, and we will see you guys next week. Thanks so much.
[00:55:12] MB: Bye.
[00:55:15] ANNOUNCER: Thanks so much for listening to this week’s episode. Don’t forget to bookmark our site, shesafullonmonet.com. Subscribe to our newsletter. You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. If you’re enjoying this podcast, it helps us a lot if you can follow, rate and review. See you all next week.