Well folks, tomorrow is officially my birthday. I keep waiting for some kind of mid life crisis to kick in, but honestly, I feel pretty pretty good about it. As I’ve gotten into my 40’s and now in my mid-40’s I feel happier and more settled than I have ever been. I think I’ve already weathered so many storms and come out the other side stronger and more confident in my self that now I know I can handle whatever life throws at me. I have stopped trying to please other people or be anything I’m not authentically, and I’m embracing the journey of being the best version of me.
When I was in my 20’s I had a lot of insecurities – I had financial insecurities with four babies always needing something. I had relationship insecurities, going through a divorce and having the media and fairy tales telling me I needed a man in my life to be whole. I had body insecurities because (who doesn’t) when the world subliminally solicits that I should look like some airbrushed Playboy model when I was pushing human children out of my body and eating the crusts of the sandwiches I made them for lunch. I was exhausted and didn’t know who I was outside of being somebody’s mother or somebody’s wife. I was worried about losing people, I was worried I was a bad mom, I was worried I would never have enough, I was worried about the future.
In my 30’s I had completely different issues. I was still exhausted – raising four kids is no joke, y’all. I tried to navigate building a relationship with being a single, working mom. I felt like wherever I was, I was supposed to be someplace else. I felt like I was living a life I hadn’t earned. I felt like I didn’t have a voice, like I hadn’t earned my place at the table. I didn’t speak up for myself enough or advocate for myself and I accepted less than I deserved for far longer than I should have.
Until one day, I just didn’t. I looked around and realized I may not have the degrees that other people have, but I am often the smartest person in the room. I may not be the most beautiful woman at the party, but how I look is the least interesting thing about me. I may not be a sample size, but my man is still wild for me and that’s all I need. The last few years, I have had many of the things I feared for decades happen to me. I almost lost one of my children. And someone I loved more than anything passed from this world. My heart was broken with the loss. But I stood strong and I was surrounded by love and I got through it. Which tells me when more storms come, and I know that they will come, that I can stand strong and get through them.
I am 43 tomorrow. Is it arrogant to say that I really like myself? I think, if I met me, that I would want to be my friend.
Tell me, what are 3 things you LOVE about yourself? Let’s practice some self love today. Comment below.