“What’s love got to do, got to do with it….”
“You must understand.
Oh, the touch of your hand
makes my pulse react.
That it’s only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl, opposites attract.”
I recently discovered the feeling of true compatibility, genuine, romantic love, and unconditional partnership. Amazing, right? I know. However, I really went over the river and through the woods to get here. Wanna hear about it? Okay, fine…
First off, I’m in the middle of divorce. Let’s just get that detail out of the way. And it sucks. Divorce pulls all of the ugly out of you. Your deepest fears are exposed, your insecurities are thrown in your face, and your children suffer. Watching your children suffer is by far the worst part of this whole circus.
“Who needs a heart,
when a heart can be broken?”
I knew for a long, long, long, long, long, long time that my marriage was no bueno. I chose to ignore every sign, every smoke signal, every flashing red light. Neither one of us were happy, but we were both choosing to do nothing about it. So, after I had “the conversation” with my now ex, I moved on rather immediately. And it was the BEST DECISION I EVER MADE. I got online, and started swiping on possibilities. And here’s the part where I sound really obnoxious, but I met someone in the first week. The universe truly threw me a bone. It was as if I was being rewarded for doing what I had needed to do for years.
I needed to put myself first. I needed to realize that I deserve to be happy.
Back up and read that last sentence again.
I needed to realize that I deserve to be happy.
Now, let me be clear about something. I don’t believe that another person can make you happy…but I do believe that another person can make you miserable.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
“What’s love, but a sweet,
old-fashioned notion?”
Wanna hear more about the guy? Well, I don’t want to embarrass him, but he’s pretty wonderful. He makes me smile. Hard. I giggled, chuckled, and smiled until my cheeks hurt, on our first date and I haven’t stopped. Every time he wraps his arms around me, I feel loved and protected. Every time he tells me that he’s proud of me, I get tears in my eyes. Resting my head on his chest feels like home. He supports me fiercely. He uses his own life experiences to help me navigate my divorce and be the mother my children deserve. He loves me and it’s the kind of love I now realize I deserve.
“I’ve been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
And it scares me to feel this way”
Two years ago, I was suffering big time with massive anxiety. I used to practice this mantra (no, I’m not a “woo woo” kind of girl, I was just desperate) after my yoga sessions. I would say, “I am safe. I am protected. I am loved.” Here’s the thing: at the time, none of that was true. That’s probably why the dumb mantra didn’t work. I am happy to report that I am now safe with my emotional well being. I no longer need to feel protected, because I feel secure. And most importantly, I am loved.
If you are in a relationship that isn’t working, or never worked, please know that you deserve to be happy. I hope you find someone who makes you laugh until you’re about to pee yourself. I hope you find someone who you want to smother with kisses, even while surviving a global pandemic and a kitchen remodel.
And THAT’s what love’s got to do with it, Tina.
