Is This A Microaggression? Here’s How To Build Awareness

With all of the current violence being perpetrated against marginalized communities in the U.S., you are probably wondering what you can do to help in your everyday actions. One issue that occurs daily and can be mitigated is microaggressions. While many of us do not have the intention of hurting others, we can often say or do things that have a negative impact on them. In healthy, close relationships, this is something we have to address and take accountability for.

Such is the case with microaggressions. After learning about microaggressions, I definitely had to take a hard look at some of my past actions and words and make some apologies. Microaggressions come in all different varieties but are ultimately divisive, signaling to someone that you believe them to be different from and/or less than you in some way. Let’s fully unpack this complex issue.

What are microaggressions and where do they come from?

“Microaggression” was originally coined by Harvard psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce in the 1970s, to describe the subtle, everyday insults and indignities Black Americans faced when interacting with white people. Recently, a 2020 research study by Gallup found that microaggressions continue to disproportionately impact Black Americans and racial minorities. Today’s definition of microaggressions was expanded upon by Dr. Derald Wing Sue, a professor of counseling psychology at Columbia University. Sue broadened the definition to “The everyday slights, indignities, put-downs, and insults that people of color, women, LGBT populations or those who are marginalized experience in their day-to-day interactions with people.” 

What can these look like?

– A general lack of awareness of the fact that others face different realities due to social, economic, cultural, and political factors, that leads to actions or words that make the person feel alienated or misunderstood.
– Attributing common stereotypes to the individual.
– A white woman clutches her bag when she sees a black man walk past her and he is reminded of hurtful racial stereotypes that portray Black men as dangerous criminals.
– Deliberately not using a transgender person’s preferred pronouns. Why? Each person defines who they are for themselves. We don’t get to tell people who they are.
– You compliment an Asian-American co-worker for speaking “perfect English,” when it’s their first language. Stuff like this is like treating someone like they are a foreigner in their own country. It should go without saying, but just because a person is not white does not mean they are not American.
– A woman tries to speak up in meetings but her male co-workers constantly speak over her. If she attempts to assert herself she gets called “bossy” or a “bitch” putting her in an uncomfortable position where she is silenced.
– Telling a gay person “you don’t look gay!” Why? They’re individuals so they all can look different…
– Saying “All Lives Matter” in response to Black Lives Matter. All lives will not be able to matter until Black lives matter.

Everyone has probably come across people in their lives who chose to take their unhappiness out on others through backhanded compliments or by claiming “it was just a joke.” A microaggression differs in that the put-down is based on an immediately observable part of your identity that is outside of your control. They can even be well-intentioned, like the scene in Get Out where the girlfriend’s white dad greets her Black boyfriend by saying that he “would have voted for Obama for a third term.” While in theory, the father is just trying to make a connection, in practice his approach comforts his own self-image, while alienating the new boyfriend by choosing a weird way to point that he’s Black. He might as well have just blurted out “I’m not a racist!”   

Although “microaggression” began as an academic term reserved for those who can go to college, it has been embraced on social media because it provides a vocabulary for negative experiences that are actually happening to everyday folks who now have an accessible platform to create visibility of this pervasive issue. Without knowing the term, many can feel like they are going crazy for not having a word to put to the uncertainty and discomfort, as microaggressions are not usually said in an overtly hostile manner. Microaggressions can be said intentionally, but more often stem from “implicit biases,” or the subconscious thoughts and beliefs we take on without questioning. Dr. Sue claims that “People who engage in microaggressions are ordinary folks who experience themselves as good, moral, decent individuals. Microaggressions occur because they are outside the level of conscious awareness of the perpetrator. It (is not) the overt racists, the white supremacists, the Klan, the skinheads … [yet they] are less likely to affect the standard of my living than individuals who are well-intentioned — educators, employers, health care providers — who are unaware of their biases.”

Historically in the U.S., the dominant narrative and political system have operated from a place of normalizing white supremacy, patriarchy, ableism, classism, and heteronormativity and the dehumanizing stereotypes that come with having other perspectives pushed aside. Explicit bigotry is generally seen as being at odds with traditional American values of freedom, allowing implicit bigotry to thrive under the radar unless we learn how to identify it. Therefore, the first step is recognizing that we all live under this system — meaning none of us are immune to racism, sexism, homophobia, and other normalized forms of prejudice. Those of us who benefit more from this system and are committed to making the playing field fair for everyone are offered an opportunity to uplift those who face more obstacles when we choose to pay attention.

Prevalence and Harmful Effects

This is not just about “being upset.” Microaggressions lead to real psychological, physical, and social repercussions that are increasingly gaining the attention of researchers, including the American Psychological Association. For example, a 2018 study into workplace microaggressions found that 73% of women working in the fields of technology, engineering, science, or math experienced at least one form of sexual objectification on the job. Gallup reported in 2020 that 1 in 5 Black adults noticed “being treated with less respect than others.” The Center for Health Journalism revealed in 2017 that microaggressions and racism lead to worse health, and trigger symptoms of trauma. A 2014 study of 405 young adults of color found that experiencing microaggressions contributes to suicidal thoughts. Stanford University psychology professor Claude Steele’s research on “stereotype threat” has shown that women and Black Americans did worse on academic exams when primed with stereotypes about race or gender. Women who were primed with stereotypes about women being bad at math performed worse on math tests, while Black Americans’ intelligence test scores significantly decreased when they were primed with racial stereotypes about inferior intelligence. 

A person caught in a microaggression is often in a catch-22 because when they confront the perpetrator, the perpetrator often dismisses “feelings” to protect their own ego or sense of discomfort. This can be disorienting and exhausting to manage, yet many invalidate the existence of microaggressions altogether, claiming that people are “too sensitive” and need to “grow thicker skin.” Ironically, microaggressions have been compared to mosquito bites or cuts.  One is not that bad, but if you get a bunch you’re probably going to be really uncomfortable and in pain. The concept of having “thick skin” honestly sounds kind of violating. Evolutionarily, negative emotions that we feel in the body, but do not always have the words to describe, have served an essential part in our survival as a species. These “gut feelings” alert us of potential danger to keep us safe.

Essentially, feelings arise naturally, serve a purpose, and deserve to be respected regardless of what name we put to them. We can exercise resilience by practicing empathy for ourselves and others and by honoring boundaries. The point of recognizing microaggressions is not to “enforce a victim mentality.” We are not victims when we stand up for the well-being of ourselves and others, regardless of the consequences. Similarly, we are not victims of the oversimplified, outdated, discriminatory beliefs that manifest all around us in the United States. Dr. Sue puts it plainly, “The normalization of microaggressions is antithetical to a well-rounded society with equal opportunities for marginalized individuals.”

Tips To Not Be A Perpetrator

– Assume you know nothing about a person until they tell and show you who they are. Each individual gets to define themselves. You can be an ally by opposing all forms of discrimination and bias.

– Watch “If Microaggressions Happened to White People”.

– If you find yourself uncomfortable with someone who is different from you, privately ask yourself why. Are these your true feelings or did you get them from somewhere else? Don’t make the other person feel uncomfortable because you are. Don’t make things weird, just be friendly and treat everyone like a human. 

– Take the Test for Hidden Bias.

– If someone confronts you, have an open mind and refrain from getting defensive. Hear them out and put yourself in their shoes. Validate their feelings, apologize, and thank them for taking the time to educate you. No one is above making a mistake.

– Don’t engage in gaslighting. Everyone has the authority to perceive and feel.

– If you witness someone facing a microaggression, do not speak on their behalf. Speak for yourself.

– Learn about perspectives and realities outside your own by consuming diverse media by diverse creators.

– If you see someone facing a microaggression, don’t tell them how to feel or how they should have handled it. Give them a break. You don’t know what they could be going through and everyone reaches their limits.

– Check out this chart that explains microaggressions and the themes they display.

– Check out “The Microaggression Project”  full of anonymous personal reports of microaggressions.

– Check out these college’s Tumblrs dedicated to exposing microaggressions: Harvard, Swarthmore College, Oberlin College, Dartmouth.

– Check out this Children’s Book on Microagressions: Is There Something Wrong with Me? By Maria Uribe.

Tips For Responding To A Microaggression

– Decide whether the person is worth explaining this to. Could your safety be put in danger? Will they be receptive or will it be a waste of your time and energy and better to just walk away from them? Take care of your mental health first.

– Proceed if your goal is to educate the person or better a relationship.

– Offer reading, videos, etc for them to look at on their own time.

– Criticize the microaggression, not the microaggressor. Immediately address the microaggression from a place of curiosity. When people feel attacked they are less likely to be receptive and change the behavior. Ask for more clarification:

“Could you say more about what you mean by that?” “How have you come to think that?”

Separate intent from impact: “I know you didn’t realize this, but when you __________ (comment/behavior), it was hurtful/offensive because___________. Instead you could___________ (different language or behavior.)”

Share your own process: “I noticed that you ___________ (comment/behavior). I used to do/say that too, but then I learned____________.”

Through this, they might find they have been socialized to say things, that when they try to explain it for themselves they realize they don’t want to hold that belief any longer.

We are here to listen. If you have experienced microaggressions and have advice for how to be better as a collective, leave a comment below!

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